Lessons in the Futility of Love
by Spunky0ne
Summary: Renji has a secret crush on his beautiful captain and just can't find the right way to tell him. Everything he tries just seems to backfire...Warning...lots of fluff...mpreg
1. All Kinds of Stupid

**Lessons in the Futility of Love**

**By Spunky0ne**

**(_I mentally bumped into this storyline in the middle of PMing back in forth with Renjfantoo. *blows kisses* Thanks so much for reviving my interest in my favorite redhead besides myself, I mean…LOL. This is all about laughs. There needs to be some fun stuff to balance my personal angst, so get ready for a cute, lovestruck Renji pursuing a woefully clueless Byakuya (seriously, someone hand this guy a clue)…but don't expect he'll comprehend…he's a noble Kuchiki lord after all and much too busy worrying about pride and duty to notice the cute redhead checking him out!. Without further rambling…here's the story. Hope you like it!_)**

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**Chapter 1: All Kinds of Stupid**

_What the hell am I going to do? I just realized I'm in love with my captain…my noble (as in 'Rukon dogs need not apply,'), distant, cool, reserved, pale as snow, tall if he's not standing next to me, graceful, proud, kinda stuck up but 'heart is in the right place captain. But as crooked as I am, I think he's got to be straight as an arrow. And being a guy who always walks within the lines, follows the rules, tells the truth (or his perception of it), doesn't drink, doesn't swear (Shit, why does he have to be so perfect?) and puts duty before his own needs, I'm already thinking that I haven't got a stinking chance in hell with him. But me being a Rukon raised, gangly, brazen red haired idiot, and his sister's fuck up friend, of course I'm going to do something stupid. The only question is…how stupid will it be? _

_I mean, there's cute stupid, like when you go to say something and the other person starts to talk too and each tries to tell the other to go ahead, then both talk again. Then there's annoying stupid like always being late just to see how sexy he looks when he's angry (seriously, the guy's just hot with the pink glow around him…just watch out if he starts glowing white). There's dorky/nerdy stupid like when he tells me to do something and I can't get it right to save my life (usually because he's watching me with those wide gray eyes of his. I freaking love his eyes…shit, where was I? Oh…different kinds of stupid) There's sleepy stupid like when I hadn't slept for two nights because my heater in my apartment broke and as I passed his desk, I tripped over his garbage can and landed in his lap…and he just gave me a look like 'Abarai, what the heck is WRONG with you?' There's curious stupid like when I wondered what would happen if I crossed an electrical kido with a water one…and unwise stupid like when I went over to his desk this morning all ready to tell him I want to throw him on top of the fucking thing and…well…fuck…_

"Abarai, are you planning to do anything today or are you going to sit staring at that same report all day?" Byakuya asked.

_Aw, hell, not again…_

"Sorry Captain," Renji answered, flushing slightly, "Just got distracted for a moment."

_By your silky black hair I want so much to run my fingers through, your eyes that look like they want to freeze me, those perfect lips that always frown, but I would love to see smile…_

"Abarai?"

"Hai."

"Do you have the training schedule for me to approve?"

"Yeah," Renji said, freezing as he was met with a disapproving gaze, "Uh, yes sir, right here."

He carried the requested schedule to Byakuya's desk, flinching and holding his breath as Byakuya accepted the report, his hand brushing against Renji's and setting off pyrotechnics in his vice captain's mind.

_How does he do that to me? Does he do it on purpose? Is he even aware?_

"Renji, would you mind bringing some tea for us?" Byakuya asked, startling him out of his reverie.

"Ah, yes sir."

He turned into the hallway and walked to the squad kitchen, his mind still firmly entrenched in thoughts of his captain.

_I'm so damned fixated that I can't concentrate. And I keep piling one kind of stupid on top of the other…_

He sighed and filled the pot with water, then heated it and poured it into two cups, preparing it the way Byakuya had showed him.

_How pathetic is it that I've started drinking it the way he likes it instead of how it tastes good to me even when I'm not at work?_

He walked back down the hallway with the two cups and set one on his desk. The other, he set carefully in his captain's hands, avoiding injuring the man.

_Unlike last week when I was startled because he said my name at just that moment…huh, startled stupid…_

Byakuya's eyes met his briefly.

"Arigato," he said smoothly.

_Can I be brought to a climax just hearing his voice like that? I'm already hard as a rock…helpless stupid…or is it hopeless stupid?_

"Abarai, we have been assigned a mission in Hueco Mundo. We are to infiltrate an area known to house one of Aizen's key scientists. There are rumors that this hollow is very powerful and that he has been conducting disturbing tests on captive humans and shinigamis."

"That sounds bad…"

"Security is tight in the area, so we will take a diversionary team that will distract the defenders while we slip in and out."

_Fuck, did he just say that?_

"What kind of distraction? An attack? Odd noises…what?"

Byakuya stared as Renji's stomach rumbled loudly.

_Well…maybe I could distract them while he slips in and out…_

"I will leave that to them. Nothing too flashy. We do not wish to be sensed by Aizen Sousuke."

_Or we'd be distracted while he slipped in and out…shit…did I just think that?_

Renji's stomach rumbled again. Byakuya frowned.

"It seems you will keep up these gastrointestinal interruptions until you are satisfied."

_There's another way I'd much rather be satisfied, Captain…_

"Go and find something to eat, Renji."

"Sure thing, Captain. Would you like to come?" Renji said, then he flushed.

_Oh…I did not just say that!_

Byakuya's brow furrowed.

"You…want me to join you for lunch?" he asked quietly.

"Well," said Renji, "Yeah, that's why I asked."

_That…and because I don't want to be away from you for five minutes…_

"Unfortunately, I have a captain's meeting."

_Which I should have remembered, because I have a vice captain's meeting too…_

"Ah…okay, I have to go anyway…to the vice captain's meeting."

"Yes," said Byakuya dryly, "Nice that you remembered, Abarai."

_Forgetful stupid…_

Renji watched quietly as Byakuya leaned over his desk and gathered several items for the meeting.

_Kami, I want to sneak up behind him, wrap my arms around him, pull back that hair, kiss him on the neck and see if those lips taste as good as they look…reckless stupid…_

"Renji…"

"Huh?"

"You are going to be late."

"Oh, right. See you later, Captain!" Renji said, starting towards the door.

"And don't forget I will be seeing you tonight."

_Oh, I know I didn't just hear that!_

"T-tonight?" Renji repeated, stopping at the door.

Byakuya shook his head reprovingly.

"Ban kai training," the captain said, "If you ever wish to make captain, then you must perfect your ban kai."

_Ah…I would so like to make a certain captain…make him smile…make him blush…make him moan and beg for more, make that sweet white body dance all over mine…_

"Until then, Renji."

_Yeah…like that's ever going to happen…_

"Bye, Captain."

XXXXXXXXXX

"You know, Renji, you aren't going to be able to keep this from Nii-sama forever. As smart as he is, he is going to figure it out," said Rukia.

_There are some things my friend Rukia knows all about, but her brother is not one of them. I can see why fate put these two together. They have so much in common, you'd think they'd been born siblings. But Rukia constantly gets things wrong when it comes to Captain Kuchiki. Like that day at the beach…with the sand sculptures…Kami, the look on their faces was so cute…_

"What are you smiling at, stupid?" Rukia asked, "and aren't you going to answer me?"

"Yeah…I don't know what to do. Number one, he's a guy who was married to a woman. So unless he swings both ways, I'm out before we get to first base. Second, he's my captain…and I'm sure there's got to be something wrong about that. Third, I turn into a clumsy, breathless idiot whenever he even so much as looks at me."

"Naw, you're a clumsy idiot anyway!" Rukia laughed.

"Hey! I thought you were trying to help me."

"I am…but it will have to be later. We have to get to that meeting."

Renji slid to a stop.

"Huh? We?" he said, scratching his head.

Rukia turned slightly, showing off a thirteenth division vice captain's patch. Renji burst into a smile and laughed.

"When did this happen?"

"Just last night. They're announcing it today at the meeting, then my official ceremony is in a month."

Renji frowned.

"Does Captain Kuchiki know about this. I mean…I heard…uh that he…wasn't pleased with the idea of you being a seated officer…"

"Well, that changed."

"Just like that?" Renji mused.

"Yeah…just like that. He just said that I can't stay out of trouble anyway and that better I get into trouble doing something respectable than something frivolous."

Renji chuckled.

"Sounds good to me. Come on!" The two flash stepped the rest of the way to the meeting.

They entered the meeting room and sat down as the first division vice captain called the meeting to order and read over the head captain's latest orders. Renji tuned out except to listen and applaud as Rukia was announced Squad Thirteen vice captain…and he noted a few things to tell his captain upon his return. When the meeting was over, Rukia hugged him and flash stepped towards the thirteenth division, while Renji turned back towards the sixth.

_So…ban kai training…that could be fun. Of course, if I had my way, I'd wrap that skeletal snake around the two of us, burn our clothes away with a kido spell and dive on that beautiful body of his. Aw, I've got to stop thinking like this! Face it. I can't even come up with a way to tell him. Speechless stupid…_

"Welcome back, Abarai," Byakuya said as he entered the office, "How was your meeting?"

"Oh, can't complain. They introduced Rukia as the new vice captain of Squad Thirteen."

"Yes," Byakuya answered, sounding less than pleased, "It only seemed right. She does deserve the recognition."

He sat down in his chair.

"Still, it wasn't easy to do…"

_He doesn't often open up and say things like that. I wonder why he did just now…_

"Yeah. I know you worry about her."

"She is my sister."

"And you made a promise to protect her, I know, Captain."

"Yes…"

Byakuya leaned forward, mentally dismissing Renji and turning to his work. Renji returned to his desk and spent the rest of the afternoon trying not to look at Byakuya. But even though he tried to turn his eyes away, he couldn't help but notice things about his captain…the black silky hair that looked like it wanted to be freed from the kenseiken, the ginpaku kazahana no uzuginu that hid much of the lovely pale throat…the graceful hands partially covered with fingerless gloves.

Renji cleared his throat nervously and realize he was blushing. He looked down at his work, just missing his captain's eyes as he looked up. He was grateful for the fact that he was sitting at his desk so that the erection that always seemed to appear when he rejoined his captain after time away from him.

If they were lovers, he would…

_Byakuya sat quietly at his desk, poring over the reports that covered his desk in neatly stacked piles. He looked content there, everything neat and orderly around him. But as he studied the paper he held with deeply focused eyes, a pair of arms wrapped around him from behind and warm lips brushed against his throat. Byakuya closed his eyes and moaned softly with desire. The sound ignited the coil deep inside Renji and nearly made him growl in anticipation. He turned the captain's chair and placed his hands on Byakuya's shoulders, then slid onto his lap, smiling and letting their hakama covered, hardened members rub together as Renji met his captain's mouth for an exchange of hot, delicious kisses._

"_Mmmmmmm…Abarai…" Byakuya moaned, his hands moving to loosen their clothing. Renji lifted himself slightly as the hakamas were pushed out of the way and then he reclaimed his position on his captain's lap, moving his hips and rubbing their cocks together as he fastened his mouth on Byakuya's and thrust his tongue inside._

"Are you finished, Abarai?" Byakuya asked, dragging Renji back to reality and nearly making him groan.

_Not fucking close, Captain…I was just getting started._

"Aw…I just can't seem to make a dent in this shit!" Renji complained.

Then, he colored.

"Sorry Captain, it's just…"

Byakuya sighed.

"Your reiatsu has been disturbed all day, Renji. And since the paperwork is not finished, we shall have to postpone ban kai training. But we won't finish the paperwork until you get this off your chest. So…out with it. What is bothering you?"

_I love you…_

_I want to kiss you…_

_I want to go to bed with you…_

"Ah," he said finally, "It's just that I'm not looking forward to going back to my cold apartment."

"Oh," said Byakuya, "Perhaps you need merely find another way to warm it."

_If you only knew, Captain…_

"Or alternatively, you could remain here."

_Yeah…great…not as cold, just as alone…_

"I will be staying in my quarters here while Kuchiki Manor is undergoing some renovation to prepare for the royal visit during the cherry blossom viewing."

_Whoa…hold on…_

_No way…_

_No freaking way!_

"Ah well, maybe you have a point. I can just stay here.

_And have to survive a nightlong hard on…but it could be worth it._

_Yeah, it could definitely be worth it…_

_Dreamy stupid…_


	2. Ten reasons I'll Never Get Laid

**Chapter 2: Ten Reasons I'll Never Get Laid**

_As the last scheduled squad member leaves the building, I'm thinking the time is almost here. I look over and Byakuya is working…as usual…and looking both sexy…also as usual…and perfectly serious…I wish he'd stop it. In the back, his long, raven black hair is, of course, neat and tidy, but in the front, those perfect strands have started to rebel, and some bits of them are misbehaving and falling out of line. He seems to realize this and as he reads, a soft hand rises, curls deftly around a strand I wish to kami was attached to me…and slides down its length. I can almost feel that hand around my swelling cock, sliding up and down my length, those serious eyes reading mine and changing the pressure…or the speed…or the angle…oh fuck, he caught me staring…_

"Abarai, have you gone to sleep with your eyes open?"

"S-sorry Captain?"

"You were staring straight ahead with a very odd expression."

_And likely, I was drooling too. And you can't see it, but I've got a hard on underneath my desk that's threatening to lift it off the floor…_

"Perhaps you need some tea…"

_I've got a friend who makes a nice little additive to tea. I'd never use it…or if I did, I wouldn't be able to take advantage of him. I'd probably just sit there staring at his hot, bared body, touching the glowing skin with nothing more than my eyes…worshipping every inch of muscular perfection, every pleasing rise and fall, every wonderful, slender curve. All of those beautiful places I would ache to explore._

_But I could honestly never move forward and actually touch him without his permission…_

_And that is reason number one that, when it comes to this man…I am never going to get laid._

_Reason number two is that I'm far too inclined to get tongue-tied. He'll ask me to come to his desk and I get that odd feeling like I'm falling as I get up. It's so bad I have to put a hand on my belly to keep me from saying anything. And as I sit down next to him and he starts in about the training schedule, living world issues, or my latest screw up, I can keep my eyes on his, nod occasionally and such, but while he's all business, my mind is off and racing…_

_I imagine taking him by surprise, closing the distance between us…wrapping my arms around him and burying my face in his scarf. Smelling the soft scent of sakura that hangs lightly in the air around it and thinking that's got to be the most luscious scent in the world. I wonder if it's a natural aphrodisiac…if when the spirit king created the Kuchiki nobles, he made them like this so they could drive everyone crazy with how beautiful they are and how good they smell…and how soft their skin is…sinfully soft…except his sword hand, of course. Maybe they were meant to be alluring, like the sirens, who use their singing to attract sailors to them, to lull them into complacency, then to slowly deprive them of their lives._

_Is he slowly sucking the life out of me?_

_Kami…what a fucking beautiful way to die…_

"Abarai, are you paying attention?"

"Hai, Captain. You said that the inspection team needed to be more thorough in their searching, that they missed a crucial lead that allowed the hollows to infiltrate a section of Karakura Town…"

_All I need to do is to lean forward, take hold of that soft fabric and pull him to me…look him in the eyes and say, "Captain, I can't take it anymore! You're too fucking hot! I love the way your eyes are like smoke from a smoldering fire. When your lips part, all I can think about is sinking my tongue inside and tasting you…or having yours wrap around me…slide up and down, that cute, pink tongue dancing all along the shaft of my throbbing cock. And I don't care if you kill me for laying hands on you. It would be so worth it! Just one time to lie down next to you…or on top of you and touch you everywhere…kiss you until we're both breathless…something!"_

_But I look into those beautiful dark eyes and I can't say a damned thing…_

_And that's why I'm never going to bed with this guy…_

"Abarai, I think I said something about tea."

_Yeah, he did…_

_I get up and leave the room, feeling the life drain out of me as the distance between us grows. It's colder here in the hallway and even once I reach the kitchen. I stand there, looking out the window at the full moon as the water boils. My hands know exactly how to make our tea without me even thinking about it now. They measure and add and stir, and my lips taste. I'm careful with the amount so it's enough, but not enough to spill. Everything is so precise._

_But my head is a total mess…_

_And that's reason number three that I'm not going to get laid, tonight, or probably ever…_

_Sure, I could try to find someone else. Just because I think he's beautiful and I'm a Rukon dog, doesn't mean I think I'm not attractive. I get plenty of attention whether I'm walking at my captain's side or hanging out at a bar getting stinking drunk so I can stop thinking about my captain. Girls like the tattoos. Not that I put them there or have a fucking thing to say about how they grow or change. I've seen some guys check me out too…in a way that was clearly not platonic. So yeah, there are plenty of warm mouths that would like to kiss mine, hands and tongues that ache to trace all of those black lines. But since they don't belong to Byakuya Kuchiki, they don't have a chance with me._

_And that's reason number four that I'm not getting laid…_

"Arigato, Abarai…"

"Sure thing, Captain."

_Reason number five is pretty simple, really. Although I have a very creative mind, and I can hurl flippant, sexy comments at my friends in a jovial, 'just kidding' kind of way, when my heart gets involved, when I actually engage and want to seduce someone, I can't think of a thing to do. Sure, I know what I would like to do once I have his attention, but I suddenly, out of nowhere, I lack the train of thought to be smooth or seductive. I can't employ such basic things as levity, body language, and sensual cues. My brain freezes._

_Sometimes, when he's off at a captain's meeting…or there's one of those noble functions he can't avoid being part of, because like it or not, he's their leader, I sit in my chair until my body aches all over and my cock feels like it's going to die of loneliness…just planning it all out, step by step, how I'll look up at him and smile…and while he's looking back, I'll get up and walk to him. I'll use my height and narrow my eyes and corner him against the door. And while he's staring up at me in shock, I'll lean down and put my mouth on his…push my tongue inside and…yeah, you get the picture. I'll hold him against the door, move aside just enough clothing to permit copulation and fuck him right there…against the squad room door, with my mouth devouring any sounds, and my body preventing any escape._

_Yeah…I have the plan down pat…_

_Then, the door will open, and he'll walk in, just as lovely and sexy as I imagined…with a breeze going through his hair, like my fingers wish they could…and my plans just disappear…_

_Reason number six has little to do with me. It has to do with the simple, more basic things. He is a noble. He can sit down with you and tell you his lineage back to the beginning of the freaking worlds. He could probably tell you all the things the spirit king used in making the first Kuchiki…sakura tree for the frame, petals for skin, silk for their hair and such. Everything about him is well bred, cultured…controlled. He follows strict routines, patterns of behaviors and sets of rules…They all do. And I can tell that, despite the fact he hates to go to their stuffy dinners and gatherings, he does take great pride in leading them…in setting an example for others…in being a part of something special._

_I'm nothing like that. I couldn't tell you anything about my parents or family, and I don't think they matter as much as the ones who were there…the ones like Rukia, who ran alongside me, who helped distract the merchants so I could steal some food, who laughed and played games, and curled up next to me for our mutual warmth at night…who told me stories and taught me how to dream of a future. Yeah…that was my family. And I'm as proud of being a part of that as he is of being noble born._

_I don't think it's bad to be one or another, nor do I think it's bad to stand at the gates and watch as the rich, beautiful people walk by, and wonder what it would be like to be a part of that other world. But actually mixing one with the other? It's easier if the rich one desires the Rukon dog…but it doesn't go the other way. It was fine for him to get caught up in Hisana. From what I heard, she was pretty, like Rukia, and she had the good fortune to find him as he lay dying from battle wounds. Of course, he took notice of her. Hey, she was cute and sweet, and she helped him when he needed it. No one would leave a person like that behind in the Rukon. The Rukon eats people like that. And even after she escaped…it caught up with her._

_But the point is…it's okay, though frowned upon, for a noble to get caught up in a lovely commoner and to sweep him or her off his or her feet. But what does the Rukon dog have to offer a prince? Yeah, I'll sweep him off his feet and take him to the dump I live in…let him trip over the shit that's lying all around because I never had a mom tell me to clean my room. I never had a room. There's not much to clean up when you stay in abandoned buildings or small caves, piss in the bushes and eat what lousy scraps you can find. And when you leave that situation and suddenly have a room of your own…an apartment, you've got no fucking clue how to manage the space. Yeah, I'm a slob. So it's hard to imagine bringing him here and laying him down on my unmade bed, exposing his skin to the cold because the fucking heater doesn't work._

_If he was someone from the Rukon like me, he would ignore all of that shit and just get right down to making love. But atmosphere matters when you're used to doing your fucking indoors…nature doesn't take care of you. You have to make the environment right. And that's why I'm never bringing him home with me._

_I could just see it. He walks up the smelly stairway, breathing through his mouth and trying not to gag. He reaches the cracked door and I open it for him, revealing the poor, unmatched furniture and décor, the clothes and shit lying around, dishes in the sink, old food still on the table, the occasional rat and…me…_

_Yeah…romantic image…_

_I think when I go home again, maybe I'll clean up the joint. But as much as I clean, it will never be better than it is. And as much as I dress neatly in my uniform and mind my manners, I'm still Rukon and he's still noble. Maybe it's not fair…but…_

_The seventh reason he won't go to bed with me is all about timing. Despite having plenty of time…and time together…even time alone together, there's always something getting in the way. Take tonight, for example. Hey, the atmosphere is great, despite us being at work. I mean, there's peace and quiet, no one around. We both look and smell good in our clean, pressed uniforms (the one piece of clothing I care for…but that's because he demands it of everyone, especially officers. He has all officers meet with a 'squad tailor' to make sure we're well turned out. Our squad is the best smelling, best dressed bunch of hollow-killers around!). Although my desk is a bit smaller, his is just the right height and overall size for laying someone across and screwing the daylights out of him. Both parties can even look out at the moon while the fun is going on. And being the captain and vice captain, we have our own quarters…and this room, I could bring him into. It's smaller than his, but kept perfectly neat and tidy. Mostly, because he demands it, but also because I'm never there. I hardly ever sleep here. It's too quiet at night. I much prefer the thumps and voices, sometimes raised, the creaking of a bed and moans of contentment. Sometimes I lie on my bed, listening…and I imagine looking up into those beautiful gray eyes…seeing love there, and feeling him inside me. I use a small red silk handkerchief so that my hand feels softer…and I touch myself as I wish he would. I do it with my eyes closed, shutting out the smells and sounds, except for the sound of a guy moaning. I pretend it's him. He's deep inside me and lost in the tightness and heat. And as his hips move and drive him deeper inside, a soft, pale hand slides down between our bodies…and wraps around me. It feels so perfect, moving in time with his body. It never takes me long to climax. And I'm careful to remove the silk from danger before I do._

_Anyway, back to timing. There's always something that takes away that perfect moment…an emergency situation in the Rukon…something he has to do…the weather, whatever…always something._

_Reason number eight is Rukia. Yup…my very closest friend, Rukia. It's funny. In every other aspect of my life, Rukia has been a godsend. From helping me steal food, to keeping me warm during the winter, to kicking me for feeling sorry for myself and finally getting up the nerve to apply for entry into the shinigami academy, she's been my angel. It's too bad we grew up so close, though. We might have made a nice couple. But neither of us has the slightest sexual interest in the other. She likes guys…and so do I…well, I like a guy…and not just any guy. I like Rukia's brother._

_He's a brother-in-law, actually, though he didn't tell her that until recently. And having swept into her life the way he did, and being so beautiful and noble, she was freaking starstruck from the very beginning. She loves everything about him…and sometimes seems to have forgotten where she comes from. Oh, she is never allowed to forget that she's adopted. One of those snarky family members or another is always reminding her when he's not around. That's part of the reason why he sent her off to be assigned to a squad so quickly…to protect her from that. Anyway, Byakuya is now the center of her little universe…which would tend to make him the destructor in mine. She idolizes him and everything he does. And despite being my friend and trying to help me get his attention, Rukia has no freaking clue how to really help. As I said before, she's a lot like him, but woefully wrong about so many things when it comes to him. She thinks I should just tell him. Yeah…right…like that's gonna happen._

"_Captain…I love you…"_

"_Ban kai…Senbonzakura…Kageyoshi…"_

_A flash of dark, furious eyes…_

"_You were saying, Renji?"_

_Yeah, it's best not to listen to Rukia. That could get me killed…_

_Reason number nine is simple. He's straight as an arrow in every other damned way. I can't imagine he'd even consider having sex unless it was with, not only love, but with the intent of making an heir. And although I've heard of it happening occasionally, we, most likely, wouldn't bear fruit. And that would be devastating…which brings us to number ten. I can't give him an heir. He is the strongest clan leader in their history…and he doesn't have any kids…and he doesn't have any brothers and sisters, so no one else can step in. I guess I'd be willing to have him impregnate a surrogate so that he can have that feeling of continuance. I would kinda like that, myself. Who wouldn't? So I guess this last is not insurmountable, but for now, he is…_

"Renji?"

"Hai, Captain?"

"How long do you intend to sit in the dark, staring at a paper you can't see?"

_I didn't even notice him turn off the lights. He sighs and walks over to my desk and sits down. He is radiant, even in the dark like this._ _I can feel the warmth coming off of him and smell the sakura again…_

"Renji, we need to get to the bottom of what is riling you. You haven't been able to concentrate for several days and it is affecting your work. I think we need to discuss this…now. Come to my quarters and we'll talk while we prepare to go to bed."

_Ah, if only that meant what I wish it did!_

"Renji?"

"Oh, sorry, Captain. Sure…"


	3. He Said What?

**Chapter 3: He Said What?**

_I never realized that getting ready for bed was such an involved process. I mean, for me it's just a matter of going home and dropping my clothes on the floor (Yeah, I sleep in the nude…I have since I got my own place. I walk around in my apartment with no clothes on too. I guess I like not having my movement restricted. And I can always throw on a yukata if the bell rings…which it never does. My friends don't come to my apartment. We go out.) Byakuya's routine is a little more involved. It starts with a trip to the closet. The closet is nearly as big as my apartment and has a neat row of shihakushous and another of an assortment of different colored yukatas._

"Choose one."

"Huh?"

"A yukata…choose one…to wear."

_I almost say 'huh' again, but decide the better of it and choose a gold toned one. It looks nice against my brown skin and contrasts well with the black tattoos. Shit…I think he smiled that I chose it. I'm starting to get nervous and the feeling worsens as he stops in the dressing area and starts to undress. He slips out of his shihakushou and neatly puts everything in its place as I stand there, slack-jawed and trying to remember what I'm supposed to be doing._

"Honestly, Abarai, do you daydream in your spare time too?"

"Uh, sorry, Captain."

_At home, when I undress, I do so with some amount of poise…but it's hard to be poised when I'm looking at his, slender, naked body out of the corner of an eye and trying like hell not to get an erection. I pinch myself hard where he can't see and my eyes water a little, but I manage to calm myself as he wraps a yukata around himself._

"You're too tense,"_ he says,_ "but this will relax us and then we can talk. Oh…will you bring us the bottle of sake from my dresser?"

_How in the hell did he end up so close to me, so close, he practically says it in my ear? What, did he teleport? I hurry up and set my clothes over a chair, then slip into the gold yukata and grab the sake and a couple of glasses. I follow him to the back of the room where he has a hot tub. He removes his yukata and drapes it over a chair, then while I'm trying to catch my breath from that, he slides that pretty white body of his down into the steaming water._

_Okay, we have been to the officer's club baths, but the hot tubs are larger and there are lots of guys around. The lady officers have their own section on the other side of the building, but we can hear the chatter all the way on our side. It's all in good fun and everyone takes a naked dip there…no big deal. The experience is very, very different in this context. _

_The hot tub is smaller and he has it on a lower setting…so we will be able to talk. But it also has the effect of leaving everything beneath the surface a bit more visible. I slide in and disrupt things a little. At first, he just sits quietly, almost as though he's forgotten I'm there. He's letting down after working so hard and I can almost see the tension drain out of him. Those big gray eyes get wider and start to look sleepy and his usual frown is replaced with a tired, content expression. He is positioned so that he can look out through the window and there's a lovely full moon to look at outside tonight. He looks classy set against the backdrop of that moon, the way it lights his skin…he looks like he's glowing. He catches me smiling and pretends not to notice. Instead, he focuses on that moon and sighs softly._

"So…what is it that has you so out of sorts?" _he asks, sliding down lower and letting his eyes close, _"You've been like this for days. I tried to ignore it, thinking it would subside on its own…and then I thought that relaxation would help, but you are quite relaxed and still look like you're only half here. What is on your mind, Renji?"

I sure as hell can't tell him the truth now…like this. I don't think he would kill me or anything, but it would sure throw some cold water on what's turning out to be a really nice evening…

"I was thinking that it might be the upcoming Captain's Exams. Although, I don't see the need for anxiousness as you are more than qualified and are also quite well prepared. As unfocused as you have been during most of the time, your dedication to preparing for the exam has been commendable."

"Yeah…well, I think that even knowing that I am prepared…Captain…it's a big step."

"Hai…I remember taking that step myself. But I have given you all of the preparation that my grandfather gave me. You will do well, Renji."

The way he's looking at me now gives me a very warm feeling inside. It's a proud look I've seen him wear when looking at Rukia…

"Well, I don't think I'll embarrass you or anything, but I want to do better than passably."

"I have no doubt you will," _he says, stifling a yawn_, "You have trained until your ban kai is under exceptionally good control."

"But I still couldn't beat you. Not in all of the times I've tried."

_It's a sore spot with me. I've had this milestone for so long, I just can't seem to let it go. He sits there with his eyes closed, saying nothing for a moment. Then his eyes open again and he gives me a curious look._

"That is a commendable goal…and certainly, I think that, given time, you will come up with a workable strategy to use to defeat me."

"Really?"

_He's never said that before. I chew on that while he pours us each a glass of sake and we take sips as we relax._

"Of course. You know I've said quite a few times that no matter how strong the defense, something will eventually break through it. And you, having watched and learned from me for so long, will certainly eventually learn something you can use to undo me. You are quite a capable fighter…more capable than I realized before…"

"Thanks, Captain."

_I'm blushing, but I can blame it on the hot water if he notices. We stop talking and close our eyes, sliding down, up to our necks in the hot, bubbling water. I don't close my eyes all of the way, but instead steal glances at the beautiful man sitting across from me, well within reach. I can imagine smiling at him, reaching across that distance and pulling him into my arms…and while he's still startled and staring at me, I'd put my mouth on his and push my tongue into his mouth to keep him quiet. I can just see those pretty, dark eyes hazing over…and mayhem entering them as he smiles and parts his thighs, bringing his cock into contact with mine. He'd look down into my eyes and thrust those powerful hips forward and back, moving the water around us as our cocks rub together in all of that hot water. I'd lose it then, falling under his spell, letting that sweet, pink tongue make mine its slave. I'd let his hands roam everywhere on my body, while I touched him too…but soon touching wouldn't be enough. I'd see the flare of arousal in his eyes and feel the urgency in his movements and I'd coax him into lifting himself and settling very, very slowly onto my length. And as hot as this water is, my captain would be a hundred times hotter inside…achingly hot. His eyes would get softer and more wanting. His hands would clench and unclench as he rises and falls on me, that pretty mouth opening and emitting delicious sounds of pleasure._

"_Renji…" he would say, "Renji…harder…harder, Renji…faster. Oh kami…kami…Renji…"_

_I'd tell him not to close his eyes and I'd watch the pleasure erupt across his face as I thrust hard into the bundle of nerves inside him, dragging him gasping and panting from pleasure into bliss._

"_Aishiteru yo…Renji," he would sigh._

_It would take me by surprise to hear him say that he loves me…and I would say it back to him as I hold him there, with my cock still deep inside him, sending seething waves of heat through him and making him kiss me so hard it hurts…_

_I stop daydreaming as the jets cycle off and he stands. It's not a very large hot tub, so he's not that far in front of me…and his cock is at eye level. I try not to look and stand, hastily turning and grabbing a towel to wrap around my waist and another to dry off on. He does the same, then climbs out of the hot tub and heads for the shower._

"You can rinse off in here if you like," _he tells me._

_I take a minute or two to calm myself, then follow him into the biggest shower I've ever seen. It has quite a few heads, so I adjust two and leave the others to him. I close my eyes and let the water run over my head and face, my throat and chest and back…all down my body._

"It looks as though you are much more relaxed now. I assume this means you will have more focus when you continue your work?"

"Ah…yeah, sure thing, Captain. I think you were right. It was just stress."

_He has no idea…_

"I'm glad it helped."

_He finishes and tells me to take my time. He gets out and it feels like the air just left my lungs. I stand under the fall of warm water, just wishing he'd come back and tell me that he knows what has been running through my mind…that it's been on his mind too. But it's all just wishful thinking…just like thinking he'd ever return my affection. I turn off the water and get out of the shower. I take my time drying off and putting the yukata back on._

_When I get out into the bedroom, He's lying in bed and it looks like he fell asleep reading a report. His long hair is still a little damp from the shower and the scent of sakura is stronger because he has been in the warm water. His features are calm and I notice that he doesn't wear the usual frown when he sleeps. He looks content…peaceful. I walk slowly to the bed and slip the report out of his hand, then set it on the nightstand and lean over him for a moment to turn off the light that's set in the wall over the center of the bed. As I reach for the switch, I happen to look down and find myself painfully close to the now open gray eyes. They meet mine questioningly and I smile and turn off his light._

"I was still working," _he says, reaching up to turn the light back on, but I catch his hand in mine._

"Hey, work hours are over. That can wait until you've had your rest. Sleep, Captain."

_He keeps those lovely eyes fastened on mine and pulls his hand gently to free it._

"Very well…I imagine it can wait. We do need ample rest…"

_I pull away and take the report with me as I leave the room. I mean to go to bed myself, but for some reason, I can't fall asleep. I go back to my desk and actually work until pretty late before turning out the office lights and stumbling off to bed. I smile as I walk by his door and feel the soft, relaxed feel of his reiatsu as he sleeps._

_I wonder what he dreams about…_

XXXXXXXXXX

"Did you sleep well, Abarai?" _he asks as I walk into the office._

_I nod and yawn._

"Like a baby, sir. Why?"

_He looks dangerously close to amused. His lips are almost smiling._

"I don't think I've heard a sleeping baby make that much of a ruckus before, but never having had children myself, I'll have to take your word for it."

_I smile and shake my head._

"I'll just go and get your tea, Captain."

_Did I hear a chuckle? A soft sound of amusement?_

_I make the tea carefully and return to the office, setting the teacup carefully in his hand and starting back to my desk._

"Abarai," he says quietly.

I look back at him, wondering what I did wrong this time.

"I must ask you a question."

_Oh…oh shit! Don't tell me I called out his name during that sexy dream of him I had!_

"Yes, Captain?"

_Here it comes…_

"Renji…this is going to sound a bit strange, I think…so do not take it the wrong way. But…do you sometimes have dreams with…?"

_He stops as the door opens and a courier comes in. He has requisitions to sign and a few forms he needs me to gather…and by the time the courier leaves, he's absorbed in his work again. I go back and start working intently, trying to forget the beginning of that sentence. If he figures out that I'm attracted to him, then there will never be another night like last night…and I want last night to repeat itself. I mean…I want more…but if I can't have more, I could live for occasional nights like that…so close to him. Even if he never touched me, I'd think it was the best just being in his presence like that._

_No…I seriously need to have sex with him…eventually…_

_But for now, I'll take these sweet little interludes, the unbidden thoughts that invade my mind…the lovely fantasies. It's really heavenly, being with him like this._

"Renji?"

"Hai, Captain."

"You seem more focused today. You accomplished a commendable amount of work. I think that our relaxation was a helpful thing."

"Yeah…I enjoyed it too, Captain."

"I am pleased to hear that. And as it made you so much more productive, I think it might be enjoyable to take a long walk tonight and relax together again…if it is acceptable to you."

_I honestly think I've died and gone to heaven…_

"Yeah…I would really like that."

"Hmmm…"

_I have to really fight myself all afternoon. I'm really looking forward to tonight, but I don't want to screw it up by losing focus and not getting the required work done. Somehow, the promise of getting to walk next to him under sakura trees, to sink down into that hot water across from him and steal glances at him, makes me work harder, and by the time the day ends, I'm having to look for things to do, because I've gotten to the end of my work. That's never happened before._

_We're just getting ready to go for our walk when a late courier brings in a load of shit…new information for the mission we are going on in Hueco Mundo. I look at it resignedly, thinking there's not enough time between now and the start of our mission for us to sift through all of this intelligence. Byakuya looks at the pile and then back at me._

"I will have dinner brought in for us."

_He whispers his order to a hell butterfly, and some time later, his own staff from the manor shows up with a beautifully prepared dinner for the two of us. I can't keep the smile off my face. He likes spicy and he knows I like sweet…so both are present on the table that is set for us in the center of the squad room. We shuffle the papers a bit so that we can work and eat at the same time, and linger over dinner and dessert as we chip away at the mountain of papers together. We finish and his staff comes to take the table, chairs and dishes away, then we retreat to our desks to finish up a last few things. We take a walk to a nearby park, mostly to stretch our legs and breath some fresh air. It's late when we get back, but he still motions for me to join him in his room. We undress as before and we slip into the hot water to relax again. There is quiet between us as we let the tension drain away. We were talking a lot about work stuff, so our tongues are pretty tired, but I see him looking over at me with that look he had on his face earlier._

"Renji…I was going to ask you before, but was distracted by the courier."

"Yes, Captain?"

"Do you ever have dreams of being…kissed…by a man?"

_I don't know what holds me together. I know I'm blushing. Thank kami we're in the hot tub!_

"Well, erm…" _I stutter, not knowing what to say._

I try to hold on to my composure, but feel everything crumbling.

"Captain…I can explain…"

"I'm sorry for asking, but I was curious because last night, I dreamed a man kissed me."

Wait…what?

"And it occurred to me that I have never even wondered about what it would be like to kiss a man. I was with Hisana, of course. But I wonder now if this dream means I am interested in a relationship with…a man."

"Are you attracted to someone, Captain?"

_Please, say yes…and let it be me…_

"I don't know. You see, it has just never crossed my mind. But I heard that you have dated women and men…and it made me curious…"

"So maybe your curiosity led to your dream. You should explore it."

"Well…I don't know if I want to. I don't know what it would be like."

"To kiss a guy?"

"Yes."

_I hold my breath and then let it out…_

"Well…you can kiss me…to see if you like it."

_It gets really, really quiet and I watch his mind turning the idea over. But finally, he looks at me and nods briefly._

"Very well…if you wouldn't be offended…"

_I shake my head and move closer to him. I lean forward and feel his slender hands settle on my chest as I tilt my head and bring our lips together. I keep it gentle and relatively innocent. I don't want to shock him. I sit back slowly and admire the pretty blush on his cheeks. I try not to notice welcome sight of his erection under the water. He is quiet for a while as I move back to where I was before._

"Arigato," _he says finally_, "That gives me much to consider…"

_I'm smart enough to keep my mouth shut as we finish hot tubbing and showering. I wish him good night as usual and go off to bed, biting my lips._

_I'm scared to death about tomorrow…_


	4. Love Potion

**Chapter 4: Love Potion**

_By morning, I look like I haven't slept in a week. I haven't slept all night because every time I drifted off, I ended up in the middle of some hot fantasy about having sex with him. And each one was hotter than the one before._

_In the first, I dreamed that I woke up late at night and heard an odd noise. I got out of bed and walked into the hallway…and the noise got louder. It was a male voice…and sounded like someone building up to a very strong orgasm. _

_And then, it hit me…_

_It had to be him…_

_So I moved closer to the door and the sound got louder…more intense. I put my hand on the doorknob and opened the door a crack. Sorry…couldn't resist. Okay…not sorry, really. I peeked into the room and got an eyeful of something that felt damned close to heaven…_

_He was lying on his back, with the gold yukata I'd been wearing, on and opened, the soft silk belt trailing down onto his parted thighs. One hand was wrapped around his flushed and swollen cock and the other had strayed down and was stroking his sac and gently probing his entrance. He moaned…and the sound of it hit me so hard I could barely stand…not just the sound, but the fact that he was moaning my name._

"_R-ren…ji…!"_

_Oh…I thought I'd died and gone to heaven…_

_I must have made a sound, because he stopped and gasped in surprise, and turned away from me. He closed the yukata and sat up, trying to slow his breathing. He wouldn't look at me, and he seemed to be too embarrassed to speak._

_Even though I knew by then that I had to be dreaming, and though I knew I should have left and let it go…it being a dream, and seeing as how I could shape it any way I wanted it, I walked across the room and climbed onto his bed. I knelt behind him and touched a trembling shoulder._

"_Hey…uh…Captain," I said softly._

"_Please go away," he said, so quietly, I could barely hear him._

"_Look…I'm sorry. I heard you say my name…and I…thought that…"_

"_You thought what?" he asked, his eyes meeting mine warily._

"_I thought that…I had never heard you call my name that way before. It was beautiful, Captain. And what I saw when I opened that door was even more fucking beautiful. I'm sorry that I embarrassed you, but I can't be sorry that I saw you like that. It was…breathtaking…"_

_He stared at me in disbelief, those dark, lovely eyes wide and devilishly enchanting. His lips were still pouting and his face was still flushed, but his body relaxed slightly._

"_You…like seeing me…pleasure myself?" he asked tentatively._

"_Oh…hell yes, Captain!" I said, smiling._

_I took his hand and guided it to my cock, which, of course, was hard as a rock after what I'd seen. He blushed cutely, but left it there, feeling me through the soft fabric. His chest heaved softly and his breathing was fast and shallow._

"_Will you do it again?" I asked him, smiling and hoping he wouldn't hit me._

_His mouth moved as though he wanted to say something, but he seemed unable to get it to come out. I smiled and kissed him, wrapping my arms around him and pulling him onto my lap. He settled there, his hard, wet member touching mine through our clothes._

"_I would rather that you touched me," he admitted softly, making my cock twitch hungrily. _

_I licked his sweet, parted lips, then tasted his mouth. The kissing went on for several minutes before I pulled away and lowered him onto his back. I ran my fingers from the tender skin of his throat…down his muscular chest, to the softer part of his abdomen, then moved slowly toward his nether region. I stopped short of touching him there, watching his brow furrow impatiently and feeling him shift beneath me. I gave him a sly smile that made him blush._

"_So…" I said, watching the fluid leak from the tip of his cock, "Do you want me to pleasure you with my hands…"_

_I slid my fingertips very lightly down the shaft, over his sac and gave his entrance a teasing stroke…_

"_Or my mouth?" I finished, leaning forward to taste the fluid I had been admiring._

_Despite his having been taken by surprise, he was beginning to recover._

"_Do I have to choose?" he asked, his voice more confident._

_Now it was my turn to blush…_

"_Ah…no!" I said, a jolt passing through me at his words and the way he was looking at me, "As a matter of fact, I am capable of multi-tasking…"_

"_Are you?" he said as I leaned over him, covering his mouth with mine and sliding my hand very slowly down his body to begin the fun._

_I teased his navel, then brushed my fingers against the line of hairs that led down to his waiting erection. I let my fingers touch the shaft while moving them down to stroke his sac…then, kissing him hard and watching his blush deepen, I moved them down and pushed one inside him. His eyes darkened and started to glaze over, and his chest heaved beneath mine. He pushed his hips upward, to proud to ask for more out loud, but more than willing to suggest it in other ways. He did let out a beautiful moaning sigh…as though he had waited for something like this forever and was pleased and relieved to finally have it happen._

"_Mmmm…Renji…"_

_I bit his throat and added a second finger, taking my time and enjoying the sight of that sweet, contented expression, the tightening of his hands on me…the darkening of those wide, intelligent eyes._

_You're damned beautiful, Captain," I told him, moving down and pushing his thighs open wider, sliding in between them and continuing to carefully prepare him, while my mouth teased his nipples, tasted the pretty pale skin of his abdomen and gently tormented his navel. _

_He was beyond answering. His eyes were closed and his body moved with each touch and stroke…so responsive that it had my cock aching. I wrapped my hand around his and began licking the shaft and sucking teasingly at the wet head. He had lifted himself slightly to watch, but as my mouth took in his length, he dropped back down, arching his back and letting his eyes slide shut._

"_Ah…ah…Renji…that…that feels…exquisite…"_

"_So…" I said in a teasing tone, "Do you like being with a guy?"_

_He lifted his head and looked into my eyes._

"_I like being with you…Renji," he said, totally serious._

_My cock leaked furiously at both the words and the sight of him looking at me like that. I sucked hard, bringing his hips up off the bed again as I pushed a third finger inside him. He moaned impatiently and gave me a look of warning that said that if I didn't get inside him quick, then I was going to be toppled and tormented for it. I paused for a second, considering, then smiled and positioned myself at his entrance._

_His face erupted into an expression of passion that I'd never imagined it could, as I pushed inside him and settled onto his chest. When I kissed him this time, he nipped and sucked at my lips, making soft noises of contentment as my hips thrust into his. His arms tightened around me, his hands clenched and his body arched hard, up into mine. He was tight…damned tight…and so fucking gorgeous letting go of his emotions and letting himself feel everything. He never does that…so to see it happen is like seeing a firedrake soar across the sky. I forgot how to breathe, just staring into that angelic face, wondering how it could be the face of my captain…_

_Ah…gods, I wish it could have been real. I even sneaked out into the hallway after that one to be sure that he was really sleeping in there. I heard the soft shift of his body as he turned in his sleep and a delicate, sleepy sigh. Even that was so sexy, it made me want to bust through the fucking door and tackle him._

_How can he not know?_

_I'm so damned obvious, he has to see, right?_

_But even when the sun comes up and I surrender to my needs alone in my shower, then dress and return to the office, Byakuya Kuchiki shows no sign of being aware of my screaming, raging desire. He sits quietly at his desk, digging through a few last reports and reviewing the parameters for our mission, then looks up at me appraisingly._

"Are you ready, Abarai?" _he asks._

_Captain, I was born ready and willing…_

"You look somewhat pale," _he comments, _"Should I have someone else accompany me?"

"No way, Captain! I'm fine," _I assure him._

_There's no way that body is going to be under anyone's eye but mine…_

_He nods, but still looks kinda uncertain as he slips Senbonzakura into the belt at his waist and turns towards the door. I grab Zabimaru and shove him into my belt, then follow Captain out the door, down the street and off to the crossover point. He is unusually quiet and doesn't say anything, but I feel him glance at me several times as we walk together. I choose to let it pass without noticing._

_If he's still mulling over that kiss, better to let him do that uninterrupted…_

_We touch down in the arrival area at the shinigami base and are met by a detachment of secret mobile corps. They have been chosen to take care of the distraction while we slip inside the hollow lab and check things out. The lead officer steps forward and goes over the information that they gathered from a small probe they used to spy on the outpost. I'm amazed at how much they know. Those guys really know their stuff when it comes to this. We have everything we need to get inside and conceal ourselves while we spy to our heart's content and take out anything that looks dangerous._

"Are you sure you guys even need us to go in?" _I ask jokingly._

_The officer smiles._

"Unfortunately, the probe is too small to be effective at destroying threats. That's why we need you two."

_Lucky thing, too. Technology can be a little too good, ne? I quiver a little wondering where else these guys have sent that probe…_

"Come, Renji,"_ Byakuya says, touching my arm._

_We flash step out of the base behind the secret mobile corps group, then follow them to a concealed listening post outside the hollow outpost. The guys from the secret mobile corps go on ahead and set up while Captain and I move closer to the break in point and crouch down to wait._

_I swear…when the secret mobile corps strikes, they have the sound and feel of a much larger force and they scare the shit out of the guys in the base, making them scramble and run for the area of the disturbance. We wait until the break in area is clear, then flash step up over the fence and inside the base. We know exactly which way to turn and where to enter which building, so soon we are inside the one that houses Aizen's favorite scientist (besides that snake, Gin, of course). Unfortunately, it appears that Gin has dropped by for a little confab with Doctor Darkness, so we have to do an especially good job of concealing our reiatsu…easy enough for Captain, but harder for me. I sit down next to him behind a stack of shipping crates in a receiving area just outside the lab where we sense Gin and the hollow scientist. We can hear them talking…and frankly, I'm pretty freaking shocked at what they are saying. Captain looks disgusted…_

"So how is our little experiment going?"_ Gin asks._

"As expected, the drug has made the subjects crave sexual release…to the point of insanity and death, if it is not relieved."

_These guys are fucking twisted…_

"And how well does it affect…"

_We miss the next few words because of some noise from an explosion._

"Oh bother!" _huffs Gin, turning in the direction of the sound and the rumbling vibration, _"These secret mobile corps certainly are persistent. We should capture a few and…"

_Another blast drowns out the rest of what he is saying._

"Well…keep the trials going. We want to have this up and running when we start the program."

"And Lord Aizen has promised to provide the noble hostages to use for the program…"

"Yes…he is observing the families now to see which nobles are powerful enough for the program."

_Now Captain looks furious. His hand curves around the hilt of Senbonzakura, but he manages to stop himself from jumping out to behead Gin and the sick scientist hollow. We'll do that after we fuck up what they're trying to do._

_It just…strikes me as odd…wanting to kidnap nobles and make them unbearably horny. I don't know what they plan after that, but what does pass through my mind isn't pleasant, so I'm more than ready as Gin leaves and Captain gives me the sign to begin moving in._

_He moves into the lab and around behind the scientist hollow, then steps out from his cover. For a moment, he is dreadfully exposed. Not that I expect the hollow will hurt him, but I can't help feeling a chill as he stands and flash steps forward._

_Just as he reaches the hollow, there is another rumbling blast and the room quakes. I grab onto a desk to steady myself, and when I look up again, I am left breathless. Captain stands braced against the hollow, Senbonzakura driven into the hollow's body, but something is dreadfully wrong. Though the hollow is beginning to slump to the ground, Captain's eyes are glazing over and he is falling too. I run from my place of concealment and catch him as he falls. He reaches down and pulls a syringe from his thigh as I pick him up and carry him back to cover. I lay him down and lean over him._

"Do you know what it was?"_ I ask, looking at the place where the needle was._

_He shakes his head._

"It may be the drug they were discussing," _he says calmly, _"but regardless, we need to take out this room and all of this equipment."

"Are you going to be…"

_But he seems to have lost consciousness. And even though my instinct is to grab him and run like hell, I go out first and set the demolitions about the place. As soon as the charges are set, I grab him and throw him over a shoulder. He moans a few times as I traverse the hallways and find my way back to the entry point. I have scant seconds left to get the hell out of there, so I abandon caution for a moment and flash step like crazy to get outside the fence. I hit the top with a foot as the charges I set explode inside the building, and tumble over the fence, dropping Captain and rolling over a few times to recover myself. Then, I pick him up again and look around for our escort. Unfortunately for us, we have been cut off from the secret mobile corps. There's nothing for it, but to flash step out into the desert and go to ground until the hollows are satisfied the enemy is gone and lower their guard again._

_I manage to find a cave that looks okay to use, has no hollows or anything dangerous in it…and is sufficiently covered so that we won't be detected. It's not very big, so we'll be in close quarters, but we've done that before on missions. I shove Captain inside the cave and go in after, then make him as comfortable as I can. I check the place where the syringe got him and it doesn't look like there's any skin reaction. He's still unconscious, though, so I am worried for him._

"Captain?" _I say, shaking him gently to rouse him._

_After a few minutes, he wakes, but I can immediately tell he's uncomfortable. He shifts around and a flush rises onto his cheeks._

"What happened?" _he asks, blinking and shaking his head._

"You got hit with a syringe full of something that knocked you for a loop," _I tell him, _"You don't remember?"

_He shakes his head, then shifts around some more and turns away from me._

"Are you okay, Captain?" _I ask._

_I can tell something isn't right…and that feeling grows stronger as he sighs and lowers his head slightly, closing his eyes._

"I think I am, but I…feel odd."

"What kind of odd?"

_He shakes his head to say that he doesn't know. It nags at me as I take the first watch and let him lie down to get some rest. I figure, given time, he ought to be all right. He'd better be. My healing skills are good, but I have no idea what he got hit with, so I wouldn't be the best person to heal him…_

_I sit near the cave entrance, watching the darkness outside. Being somewhat distant from Las Noches, we don't have the false daytime illusion over us. I can see the stars and moon from where I sit. I am just getting into staring at them, when I hear soft moans coming from behind me. I slip back into the cave and find Captain tossing and turning. I touch his shoulder to wake him._

_I manage a short squawk of surprise as I am grabbed and pulled down into one hell of a steamy kiss. I stare at his face and I can see the intense, built up passion._

"Shit…" _I mutter._

_Because this isn't him wanting me. This is Byakuya Kuchiki hopped up on some kind of crazy hollow made aphrodisiac. Now…as much as I freaking love the idea of going to bed with my captain…I am not going to take advantage…even if it kills me._

_I just finish telling myself that…_

_And then he pushes me down and binds my hands with kido…_


	5. Unremembered

**Chapter 5: Unremembered**

_For as long as I can remember, kido has always been the bane of my existence. I guess everyone has a weak spot…even Captain Kuchiki (his is following the rules to a point well beyond sane limits). My kido is like a wrecking ball sometimes…a big fat wrecking ball that explodes in my face…_

_I kinda like the fact that it works in my favor now. Despite feeling a little guilty at the situation, being tied down and having my mouth devoured by one that tastes as good as his does…well, you can kinda see why I'm not in too big a hurry to object. I do have to make some sort of effort, however. If I don't, I'll probably be beaten and killed by my very lovely captain when he finally regains his senses. I try to talk to him, but that cute pink tongue keeps wrapping itself around mine…and damn it, if he isn't rubbing himself roughly against me and moaning in the same beautiful way he did in my dreams…_

"Oi, Taichou…ah…ah, if you…keep ngh…d-doing that…I think, ah…I uh…"

_It's really distracting when his hands slide beneath my clothes and start tearing them away. He's got his mouth on mine, so I can't talk, my hands bound and his weight holding me down. Even if I could break the damned kido, I probably couldn't get the leverage to throw him off. But I try to break the kido anyway, and for better or worse, at the point at which he finally has us both completely naked, I shatter it._

_Even as focused as he is at getting down to business, he's still sharp enough to see that I've broken free, and he laces those pretty white fingers into mine and presses them to the ground on either side of my head. I move my hips to try to throw him off balance, and his hair gets a little tossed around. His eyes are eating me alive and I'd swear he was growing fangs. He's not…but his face just has that wild, predatory look…like his whole world is now built around laying me out on that cold cave floor and fucking me senseless. Looking at him like that, I don't have far to go as he wriggles those slim, white hips and works his way in between my thighs._

"Ah…Captain…you are _really_ not going to like yourself very much if you do this…so…"

_I fucking hate myself for having to hurt him, but I don't really think it would be good to start out this way…especially when the guy was just in the midst of deciding his sexual orientation and never gave any sign he was interested in me. The kiss I gave him was just one between friends…an exploration for him with beautiful, secret benefits for me. And what's happening now is only happening because of Aizen and his sick, fucked up scientist. I'm glad the bastard is dead and that we destroyed that stupid research._

_Then it occurs to me that without the research, we have no fucking idea how to deal with the drug in his system. I mean, I was assuming that it was a one time thing…something that would wear off…but I really don't know. Could they have meant for the nobles to become so dangerously horny that they would forget about protecting the king and seeing to their duties? It's damned scary to see how well it's working on the captain. _

"Sorry, Captain," _I say, feeling an ache in my throat, _"But I respect you too much to take advantage. Come on, now. Please don't make me have to hurt you…"

_He's still holding me down, his fingers laced together with mine and his hips grinding against me and leaving me with very little breath for talking. Those devilish, smoky eyes find mine, and as I prepare to hit him, he hits me with something I never would have expected…_

"You're beautiful, Abarai…"

_And now I have no breath left to speak with…and I can't move. One of his hands leaves mine and I have a perfect opportunity to shove him away, but I can't make myself move…because I'm aching all over to be touched by him…because his hand moves to brush some of the hair away from my face. My face has got to be as red as my hair as his hand moves on and the slender, graceful fingers trace the marking over one eye._

_I've been touched there before…but never like this. He traces the marking with his fingers, then he brushes his lips there and tastes it with his tongue. I can't quite stifle a groan and my cock starts to feel like it's going to explode. He moves and his cock strokes mine wickedly. I groan again._

"C-captain…Captain…you're fucking killing me. I'm starting to not care very much anymore if you kill me. You're just too damned beautiful…and I am having a really hard time fighting you…"

"Then, stop fighting," _he breathes, licking, then nipping at my ear, _"And make love with me, Abarai…"

_He keeps my hips carefully trapped and nuzzles along the side of my throat, following the tattoos all of the way down one side, then stopping and teasing his way down the other. And by the time he reaches a shoulder…seriously, if I wasn't on my back, I'd be on my knees, begging for him to keep going. Luckily for me, the moment for breaking free has passed, and he has me in such a tight clinch, I couldn't break loose of him if I wanted to._

_His tongue finds one of my nipples and it feels like a shock to my groin. My cock is wet and aching…and every time he moves, it sends shock waves through me. He looks down at my face, and he must like what he sees, because he returns to my mouth, kissing me so hard it draws blood…his…mine…it doesn't fucking matter. His hips are moving again and he's pushing in farther between my thighs, still holding my eyes captive with his. His cock touches me and I shiver. It occurs to me that…him not knowing how this is usually done…he might hurt me. But I can only think about that for a second…then, he holds me tightly and pushes inside me…in a series of mind-numbing short thrusts that feel so good, I want to scream. I'm moaning like a whore. I'd be embarrassed if I wasn't so busy feeling so damned good._

"Oh kami…kami…Captain…just…just…don't hate me for this, ne? I did…try to resist. But you're…gods, you're amazing!"

_He answers with a hard, shocking thrust that steals my breath again in a heady, passionate scream. He looks at me with a lovely, hungry expression and does it again. It only takes a few more hard thrusts like that and I'm arching up into him and completely undone. My cock releases it's hot load onto our skin…and while it's still coming out of me, he grabs my ass tightly in both hands and I feel his body seize with intense pleasure. The sounds he makes send my brain into a damned spin and I can't move…and I can't think for a good long time after that. I wake to find him down between my thighs, licking the seed from my skin. That sweet, sinful tongue blazes along an inner thigh, all over my sac and along my softened cock, then on my belly. He finally lets me loose and I pull him into a rush of deep, penetrating kisses. He's smiling against my lips and sweating. His hair is a mess, and his skin is smudged with dirt, but he still looks perfect to me. He settles into my arms and quickly drops off to sleep._

_I know better than to fall asleep and let him wake in my arms like that. It was the drug in his system that did it, and as much as I would love another round…or another ten or so rounds, I am just going to pretend it didn't happen. I think that's what he'll want. He'll probably be embarrassed to have been that way with me._

_I just hope he doesn't hate me…_

_I'd be more devastated about him hating me than about him killing me. How desperate is that?_

_I watch him sleep in my arms for awhile, letting my fingers tease his hair and tasting his lips a few times. His heat is still purring contentedly inside my body, warming me, and my mind replays the sounds he was making while he came into me. I don't think I've ever heard such wonderful noises…not ever…_

_I feel myself dozing off, so I carefully work my way free of him, then go outside and use a bit of the water in our rations to clean up. I slip back into my clothes, then I look around the area and sense hollows, so I risk using kido to raise a reiatsu cage, so we won't be found. That done, I go back to the cave. _

_Being in the military, I am not supposed to be taken by surprise, but as I pass through the cave entrance, he tackles me…brings me down onto my stomach and has me naked again in seconds. I don't bother to even consider stopping him this time. Why bother? If' he's going to kill me anyway, I want to really earn the privilege._

_That…and I want to enjoy this for as long as possible until we come back to earth and it all disappears. Because…coming from where I do, I know that something this good just can't last._

_I mean…think about it…_

_This is Byakuya freaking Kuchiki…captain…clan leader…and likely the most beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes on…_

_And I'm Rukon…tall…gangly…kido challenged…rough mannered…undisciplined…all of the things the good noble boys avoid…_

_But it's hard to see him as one of the 'choirboy' types as he tackles me and lays himself down on my back. His mouth bites down on the back of my neck and I freeze like a kitten. He takes his time, exploring all of the tattoos he couldn't get to when I was on my back, then I turn my head and join him for a bout of rough kisses as he parts my thighs and takes me from behind. It hurts less this time, because I'm already stretched and I arch into his thrusts, listening to his deep, heavy breaths and soft, hungry moans. _

_I wonder if this is what it's like to be fucked by an angel…_

_I wonder how many times we'll do this before morning…_

_And what he'll think of me when he realizes…_

_The only thing I've got going for me is that we overheard them saying that to not give in to the urge would doom the one given the drug to insanity and death. So…I can argue for the necessity of what I did. But he and I are going to know what really happened. It's simple…he got drugged and I let him have his way with me while he was out of it…_

_I may have prevented him from going insane and dying, but I feel a little bit like a rat. Because, let's be honest. I wanted something like this._

_No…actually…I didn't want this at all._

_In my heart, I wanted Byakuya to come back to me after that kiss I gave him and to tell me that he wanted more. And when I got taken…or when I took him, I wanted it to be because we both wanted it. It's lucky that I'm used to living with compromise. So I'll enjoy this for what it's worth and then I'll just dream about it for the rest of my life…about how soft his skin felt…and how dangerous his eyes looked…how I didn't mind being taken…or being taken unprepared…how it was easy to overlook the bruises and scratches that I got because it just felt so damned good to be with him like that. It's a gift to be touched by something that beautiful…to have someone like that look at you with heat and lust…or just with some level of affection…_

"Renji…"

_Heat pulses into me again and I collapse with him still on my back, with his tongue stroking my throat and ear…and sakura scented hair tickling my skin. I'm not the kind who cries easily. A few years in Inuzuri will cure a guy of that real quick, so I'm surprised when something wets my cheek…and being that this is Hueco Mundo, I know it isn't rain._

_Shit…I am really in deep this time…_

_He's more than taken my body…this guy has my heart…_

_He rests his face against mine for a moment, then lifts his head and looks more closely._

"Did I hurt you?" _he asks softly, looking worried, _"Renji…I am sorry. I…I didn't mean to. I don't know what…is wrong with me…"

_I give him a smile and kiss him a few times to let him know I'm okay, then I rest with him curled around me. He starts to drift off, but then slides a hand down my stomach and wraps it around me. I didn't climax the second time, but I was close, so it isn't long before he has me at his mercy. He turns me onto my back, then crawls down my body, kissing and touching me everywhere. And this time, it isn't about getting inside me. He wants me to feel connected. I wonder why. If this is the drug he got shot up with, then what does forced arousal and yearning for completion have to do with 'sharing pleasure?' I'm trying to make sense of that when his mouth wraps around my cock and slides up and down, his eyes closed and face serene, and that wicked tongue bringing me to the edges of insanity._

_Does the drug affect me too?_

_It must, because I feel like I'll go crazy if I don't make love with him, right now. I want to be inside him…_

_And as though he could read my mind, he pulls me up onto my knees and climbs onto my lap. He positions my cock and eases himself down onto it in slow, mind bending movements that have me growling and biting at his lips. Finally, he drops down, and my mind gets away from me. All that exists is the thrusting of our bodies against each other, the sharing of hot breath, hotter kisses and the devouring of flesh. He's so tight around me that I know I won't last long…and even so, I'm so gone, diving down into those deep, dark gray eyes that climax comes and goes and we remain on our knees and connected, kissing and holding each other for a long time after._

_Finally, we separate to clean up and to drop down next to each other, surrendering to exhaustion. I am convinced that we won't move again until morning. I don't. But he wakes several times and takes me slowly, looking down into my half-awake, half-dreaming eyes and telling me how he's never seen such a lovely body…so unique…so very desirable…_

_He collapses sometime near morning (although morning in Hueco Mundo is just like night), and I clean him up and leave him sleeping while I go outside again to check the position of the enemy…and to see if a search team has been sent. I sense them crossing over and note the time. It will be a while before they arrive, so I let him sleep. He was up off and on all night…and after what we did, I'm sure we'll both be pretty damned sore. I keep watch near the cave entrance until I hear him stirring in the darkness behind me. I hear him groan, and I shake my head and smile. I can definitely sympathize. I ache all over now…_

_I hear him start shuffling around, pulling his clothes back on and getting himself back in order. I wonder to myself if he's back to normal and have to conclude that he is, when he comes to the cave entrance and sits down next to me._

"Arigato,"_ he says,_ "for tending to me last night."

"Tending to you?" _I chuckle, smiling and shaking my head._

"Yes," _he goes on, looking perfectly serious, _"I must have been very ill from whatever poison was in that syringe because…"

_He stops and climbs to his feet as the search team reaches us. We join the group quietly because of the closeness of some of the hollows in the area, and we start back across the sand, moving towards the shinigami base. I'm glad for the easy pace, because, honestly, my ass, and pretty much everything else, aches from all of the action last night. When we finally reach the base, there's a place for us to shower and I figure I'll lie down and catch up on sleep while we're there. But to my surprise, Byakuya insists on leaving at once to take our report to the head captain…and also to report what he knows to the heads of all of the noble families. And it makes sense. Even though we offed the scientist and destroyed everything there doesn't mean the information hadn't been passed on to someone else. So, we likely only slowed down the plans instead of destroying them altogether._

_We cross over into the Seireitei and he moves into a flash step. I try to follow, but my body quickly informs me that I am done. I fall behind and pretty soon, he notices and stops._

"My apologies,"_ he says, surprising me, _"I forgot that I must have kept you up all night, caring for me during my illness."

"Oh…Captain," _I tell him, _"Don't worry about it. Believe me, it was my pleasure."

_I am surprised at the deeply amused look he gives me. Then his words shake me to the core._

"Well…I don't know how taking care of a sick person could be a pleasure…and I wouldn't know how it was last night, because I don't remember a thing…"

_Holy shit…_


	6. Out of Respect

**Chapter 6: Out of Respect**

_If there is one thing I know best about Byakuya Kuchiki, it's that the last place in the three worlds the guy wants to be, is in the fourth division. He has that look in his eye that tells me that he'd rather be Aizen's personal guest for a few days than to pass through those doors. I'm with him on that, but we have different reasons. For me…it's needles. Yeah, I know…it is odd that I take sword slashes and punches in stride, but that little piece of pointy metal breaking my skin makes me feel like passing out._

_And that's how I get into some trouble, here…_

_I manage to coax Byakuya into the fourth division and Captain Unohana, knowing we both don't want to be there, is quick to put us in an examination room. She also lets us stay together as we are examined, so that we can answer all of her questions. She treats the obvious things as she carefully looks us over, and starts asking questions. My heart is in my throat, knowing that I am going to have to say something…shit…how will I explain? How will I say the words in front of them…tell them that last night, my captain and I had the best, hottest sex I've had in my whole life? I mean, yeah, I wouldn't have minded screaming it to the hollows in the heat of the moment, but…this is Byakuya…and the very sweet and kinda scary, Captain Unohana. I am shaking all over, thinking about how Captain might very much want to kill me…_

"Renji Abarai," _Captain Unohana says in that sweet, gentle tone of hers, _"My records state that you have not had your tetanus booster, and are due for that. All personnel are required to have those up to date…"

"Yeah, I know…sorry…I'll uh…I'll take care of that later…"_ I mumble._

_Much…later…_

_I know when I see her smile and exchange glances that the two of them are going to gang up on me…and the next thing I know, my captain is on his feet with his arms around me, holding me still while Captain Unohana gives me the injection. I try not to look, but that fucker hurts like hell…and yeah, I would rather get a hundred sword slashes._

_Embarrassing as it is to admit it…yeah…this scene has happened before…_

_Byakuya is all about proper procedure, so he stays on top of things like that, making sure his squad is always up to date on health exams and that shit so that we will be in good health. I find ways to put these things off, but he knows exactly what I'm up to. And sooner or later, these two corner me in one way or another, and I have to face that bitch needle…_

_Fuck, I hate this…_

_It occurs to me as the damned needle bites into me, and I start to feel sick to my stomach, that although Captain Unohana knows what the scientist was working on…and that it may have been in the syringe that Captain got hit with, she doesn't know any more than he does about what happened that night. I was just about to tell them, but now I'm incapacitated. Yeah, it's fucking pathetic. Renji Abarai…great, hot shit fighter, vice captain…and deathly afraid of…little tiny needles…_

_Luckily, I don't have time to kick myself too hard for that before I get light-headed and I feel my legs giving way. The last thought I have going down is how wonderfully good it is to feel those slim, strong arms of his wrapped around me like that…_

_It gets even better when I wake up and I'm lying in my bed, in my quarters and looking up into those pretty, gray eyes of his. Kami, I wish he'd kiss me again, like he did so many times last night. But he just looks amused as I start to recover._

"Really, Abarai…you are…"

_Yeah, even he can't quite find the words. I sit up slowly and thank him for bringing me back, then I watch him get up and start walking out of my room. He's dressed in that dark red yukata that he seems to favor. It looks so damned good on him. He pauses in the doorway with his back to me._

"And thank you again for taking care of me last night."

_I can't stop smiling…_

"Oh…and Captain Unohana told me to tell you that she wants you to return to the fourth division in the morning to give her your report on what happened overnight. You…lost consciousness before you were able to tell her…"

_Not smiling anymore…_

_And I feel sick again…_

_He is going to absolutely kill me…_

_Knowing that, I can't go back to sleep. And anyway, I know there's gotta be a shitload of paperwork, sitting out on my desk…and it will only get bigger the longer I wait. I got some rest anyway, while I was passed out, so I leave my bed after a few minutes and put on my nicest yukata. It's a handsome red-brown…and pretty damned expensive, but it always makes him smile when I wear it, because he gave it to me. When we work late at night and we know no one's going to came in suddenly, because the door is locked and we are the only ones who have keys, we drop our guard with each other and if we aren't going home, we go shower and change, then spend some time here, finishing up and talking a little, before adjourning to our respective rooms. He never said anything about the condition of my clothes, but on the day before my birthday, this package was on my desk and it was this really nice yukata that matches my coloring perfectly. With it was a short note, wishing me a happy birthday and giving me my birthday off._

_I didn't know at the time that he even knew when my birthday was…_

_And I still don't know why he did that…_

_I just know that every time we work late, and we aren't going home…after we shower and come out again to finish up the last few things, I always catch him looking at me as I come into the room…noticing I'm wearing it, and his lips trying hard not to smile._

_He's too damned cute…_

_I watch his face as I walk in…and yeah, there it is…that quick acknowledgement, but it changes swiftly into a look of disapproval. Oh gods, don't let this be because he's starting to remember. I was just falling in love with him for the thousandth time, and I want to live to enjoy it._

"You should be in bed," _he says, surprising me._

"Aw, hell, Captain, it was just a shot. I'll be fine…"

"You were up all last night with me. Go back to bed."

_He looks back down at his work._

"I can't sleep…too much restless energy," _I say, dropping into my chair._

_I look up at my desk and unbelievingly, there is not a shred of paper anywhere. His desk still has a short stack of reports left on it…which means…_

"Captain…you didn't have to do that, you know. I mean, it was really nice of you, but…"

"You were incapacitated because you had spent the entire night tending me. It was nothing. Go back to bed."

"I told you I can't fall asleep," _I say, walking across the room and sitting down in the chair next to his._

_He doesn't say anything as I pick up a few things and sit there beside him, working quietly. But his reiatsu is calm and soothing…and it feels good being so close to him. We finish up the remaining work, then he stands and starts towards his room. I stand, too and start towards my quarters. I'm almost there, when I feel a touch on my arm._

"Would you like to join me for a soak…to wind down before going to bed?" _he asks._

_It's a good thing that doesn't mean another night like last night. Not that I wouldn't jump at the chance to go to bed with him again (this time in a real bed) but I still ache all over and I'm feeling a bit light-headed, probably from the shot._

"Sure thing, Captain," _I say, turning towards his room._

_I feel even more dizzy, looking at him out of the corner of my eye, watching him uncover that sweet, beautiful body, then step down into the water and settle there. It feels good being wrapped in the heat of the water. I'm too overwhelmed to be aroused this time. I just enjoy us being so relaxed in each other's company. Even not talking like this, we are comfortable together…so different from how we were before. I just sit there, breathing in and out…letting my body relax and blinking slowly as I start to get sleepy. I almost jump out of my skin as he starts talking…and then I pinch myself to be sure I'm hearing what I thought I heard. There's no introduction. He just picks up from where we left off before our mission…as though we hadn't even left the room…and gone to infiltrate the outpost…and been hit with that aphrodisiac…and shared the greatest night of my life, which he doesn't remember…_

"I think that…I am open to the idea of having a relationship with a male," _he says, looking up at me._

_You would think he was deliberating what kind of syrup he wanted on his pancakes, but for Captain…that's just the way he is about things…not overly dramatic or anything…just calm and decisive. It's pretty cute, really. Okay, it's fucking adorable! There's a sort of childlike quality to him…something far removed from the cold, powerful being he is the rest of the time. I'm more than a little breathless and can't think of a damned thing to say, so I sit there for a minute, just looking at him._

"Then…kissing a guy was…enjoyable for you?" _I ask._

_I can't help thinking back to the night we just had and carrying on this conversation. It's so strange that I know his body so well and desire to know it even better…and he's just sitting there trying to decide how to move forward, now that he's pretty sure he's bisexual. Still, I'm not ready for what comes next._

"I enjoyed it very much, arigato."

"And you're not going to get in trouble with your clan about seeing a guy?"

"They do not dictate my private life. There are procedures in place to make an heir if I do not marry. In any case, it is none of their business. But…I do have a concern."

"A…concern?" _I ask._

"Yes," _he goes on._

_He pauses and I can tell that he is considering something._

"I do not wish to be rude, but I do not like the idea of being with someone and not knowing what I am doing…or being awkward."

_I pinch myself again…under the water._

"So…you want to…practice? With me?" _I manage, trying to sound as though my heart isn't in my throat._

"I don't think I am ready to go all of the way, but if it wouldn't be…too confusing…or dishonorable to you…"

_And I'm smiling at the irony of it…_

"Captain, I told you that I am fine with helping you explore your sexuality. I'm not with anyone, and…we are…comfortable with each other…so yeah, if you want to go farther, I will."

_Kami, I love the cute, uncertain look he gives me. I take it to mean that he wants me to do something, and I move closer and wrap my arms around him. He looks at me calmly, but I can feel a tension in his body. He relaxes into the first, gentle kiss I give him…and more into the next. After a few more, I run my tongue along his lips, and with a little sigh, he parts them. I run my tongue along his, keeping things slow and easy. And after a moment, his tongue responds by curling sweetly around mine. We keep on that way for a while, just exchanging slow, deep kisses…then his hand finds mine under the water and he laces our fingers together. It's a very tender moment…and I'm sensing that he's about to ask me for more, but everything comes to a screeching halt as his brow suddenly furrows…like he's sort of confused. Then, he takes a breath and pulls free of me._

"I think we should stop," _he says._

_It's not like he's angry, but he does seem uncomfortable._

"I shouldn't have asked you to do this," _he says quietly, _"I am sorry."

"What's wrong?" _I ask him, _"Did I do something that you didn't like?"

"No…I…it's just that…I think…"

_He takes a cleansing breath._

"I just think that it is wrong of me to use you," _he explains, _"I value you as a vice captain and a friend…but this blurs the lines. I think it confuses me…"

_He stops talking for a moment and I know I have to do something quick. I let go of him and move back to where I was._

"It's all right," _I say…even though it does kinda hurt._

_He's pulling away, yeah…but I think about why he pulled away…and I think that, despite it being a little step back, it means that he respects me too much to take advantage of me trying to make himself more at ease. I'm too flattered to be really hurt._

"Don't worry about it. I understand. Being with someone like that is special. You shouldn't do it unless it's with someone you love."

_He looks both relieved and pleased, and he goes back to relaxing quietly. We stay there for quite a while, before rinsing off and slipping back into our clothes. As I come out into the room, I find him reading through the report on our trip to Hueco Mundo. He's reading the section I wrote, very closely._

_I was careful not to mention what happened that night. I just made a note that referred to the medical report I would be giving Captain Unohana. I wonder if he remembered something…_

"Looking for something?" _I ask him._

"Actually, yes," _he answers, _"I was ensuring that the report was complete. I was just reading and thinking back to the details. I want you to read it again and see if you remember any more."

_I climb onto the bed, next to him and take the report. It's a million miles long, so I start reading, but way before I'm done, I start drifting off. I lie down on my side to read as he reads some of the other pages…and the next thing I know, I'm asleep, right there, next to him. I don't realize it until much later, of course. I wake up in the middle of the night and find myself curled up next to him. He smells really good and it's too damned pleasant watching him sleep like that. I watch him for awhile, then let myself fall asleep again._

_I wake up in the morning and find myself covered in warm blankets and alone. His side of the bed is still warm, and his pillow smells like sakura. I roll over and breathe that in for awhile, then force myself to get out of bed and stumble back to my quarters to change._

_It's amazing to me how normal it feels, walking out into the office with his tea and setting it in place, watching as he greets me with an uplifted eye and a tugging at the corner of his lips._

"I hope you slept well."

_It's not so much the words, but the easy delivery…the suggestion of affection. I feel it all of the way from head to toe. There is a lot of respect between us. And that's why I know I have to come clean with him about what happened in that cave. He may be angry…and suspect me of taking advantage of the situation…but really, I think I have to trust that he knows me too well to think that…_

_I sit down at my desk and give it some thought as I work. I still haven't figured out how to tell him as it comes time for me to run the morning drills with the squad. When I come back to the office, he's gone at a captain's meeting. I sit there and convince myself that when he comes back, I'll go and talk to him. It isn't right, keeping this from him. I know that. So, I'm just going to have to bite the bullet and get it over with._

_As he walks into the office, I get up to do just that…but I'm stopped as I see the expression on his face._

"A report just came in that Aizen has made a retaliatory strike on our forces near Las Noches. We are to leave at once on a rescue mission."

_Now what?_


	7. Protecting

**Chapter 7: Protecting**

_I've never liked Hueco Mundo. It's a cold, dead place inhabited by those bony and heartless nightmares we call hollows. Made from the souls of living people who have died with their emotions unresolved, these creeps devour anyone or anything that they can catch, even their own kind. The lower level hollows are just mindless savages…no use to do anything but put them to the sword, because they can't reason well enough to decide not to fight you. And being killed by a shinigami blade purifies the soul that was devoured…and sends the evil component into the realm the living folk refer to as 'hell.' _

_As the more brutish hollows devour more souls, they grow more powerful…and along with that, they begin to recover the ability to reason. These hollows may or may not fight, depending on how likely they think they are to win._

_Well…that's how it was before the most powerful ones, the Espada, chose to follow our shinigami traitor, Sousuke Aizen. Aizen was once my captain. I was fresh out of the academy and I looked up to him at the time…thinking to myself how it was interesting…and a little frightening how he could look and act so gentle, yet exert such frightening amounts of power so suddenly…and without even seeming to think about it. Yeah, for all that he seemed gentle, I remember thinking that I didn't know why the hairs on the back of my neck rose when he was near me. I was glad when he had me transferred to the eleventh. Yeah, Captain Zaraki is fucking insane…caring for nothing but pure, powerful battle. I got roughed up more than a few times, but I also met Ikkaku Madarame, the guy who helped me to reach ban kai so that I could move forward in my pursuit of Captain Kuchiki._

_I think back to what a cold, heartless bastard Captain Kuchiki seemed to me then. Of course, I was only looking at the surface like everyone else did. It wasn't until I was offered a place as his vice captain that I began to see the things I missed before…the things that most people will never know about him. It makes me sad to think I was so cold in moving closer and stalking…planning all along to strengthen myself to the point where I could defeat him. I did my job protecting him, of course. If he was killed before I was up to challenging him, I would never know the glory of taking him down. But right away, though he seemed to be just as cold and closed off as I heard, I started seeing signs of a vulnerable heart he was protecting._

_I noticed first the way he looked at Rukia. Whenever she was around, he would go from speaking little to barely saying a word…and I'd see something heartbreaking in his eyes…like he wasn't holding back speaking to her, but he didn't seem to know what to say. Most people took it to mean he hardly noticed her…but that silence was an open admission of the pain he still felt from losing his wife. And having to look on someone like Rukia, who was so like her sister…yeah…I get it now…_

_Noticing that made me more aware, and as the days and weeks passed, I began to notice other things…how he liked everything in his life to be neat and orderly, how he liked his tea a certain way and how he slipped out on nights when we were working late to look up at the stars and moon. He ran the division with a firm hand. Rules were rules and if you screwed up, you paid…end of story. But even then, I noticed that while he was running everything and he seemed to register every facet of the squad, he set himself at a distance from everyone…carefully concealing anything that didn't fit the image of the powerful Kuchiki captain and clan leader. He was really good at it, too. Anyone not looking extra close would have missed it. But I was looking really closely. Still, I was looking with an eye to defeating him. I wasn't actually wanting to like him…much less to love him. But there were cracks in his armor…and I was given glimpses of who he really is._

_If I had just wanted to take him down and didn't care how, I could have taken advantage of that, but I am pretty honest when it comes to what I want…and what I really wanted was the strength to defeat him in battle. But it affected my thinking…knowing he was like that inside, where he could hide it. Yeah, I tried hard to ignore it as my plans moved forward, but I was already falling very slowly into love._

_Then came the whole thing with Aizen…_

_That fucker knew everything about me…about Rukia…and about Byakuya. He knew and he used it to manipulate us. He set Byakuya on the path to having to watch his sister get executed…and being bound by his promise of obedience to not interfere…as well as tormented by his failure to honor Hisana's final request for him to protect Rukia. And me? He knew I was hurt when I had to let go of Rukia…and that I carried that anger inside me…that it was strengthening me and motivating me to want to defeat Byakuya in a battle. Aizen teased me into questioning the execution order, then watched in amusement as it set me on the path to attacking my captain. It was all good sport for him, watching us fight each other, while he set us all up for his betrayal. But the very worst part of it was that in my rush to judge Byakuya for his coldness, and for not opposing Rukia's execution…in my hurry to face him in battle, I forgot for a moment that I was his vice captain…and I nearly ended up watching him die._

_Sometimes I still have nightmares about it…about lying helpless on the ground, nearly cut in half by Aizen's blade…and watching him take that god-awful hit to save his sister. I can still remember the oddness of hearing Shinzou cut into him…how everything went so damned silent for a moment, then I saw the most awful thing a vice captain can see. You really feel your failure when it results in the fall of your captain…and when you realize in that very moment of failure that you were in love with him…it's a million times worse. That's why, as soon as I could move, I was out of bed and at my captain's side again. That's why I have made it my mission to be there…to watch his back carefully…and to make sure nothing touches him. I still ache to be strong enough to defeat him, but I want the power so I can better defend him…and my other loved ones._

_That's what is in my mind as we flash step out of the precipice world and drop down onto the cold sands of Hueco Mundo. We are near Las Noches, so we are under Aizen's illusory sky. It's light here, but it's still damned cold. And everything the light touches, Aizen sees…_

_He sits and watches and controls from a distance…_

_We hear the screeches of large numbers of hollows and we see where they are attacking a small unit of squad two guys, whose job it was to infiltrate the area and spy on Aizen. They managed to get out of the fortress, but have been pinned down here in the desert nearby. They found some cover to put at their backs…and being very sharp fighters, they have been able to survive this long, but a few have fallen, and the hollows just keep growing in number._

_I can just see that cocky son of a bitch, Aizen, sitting inside the fortress on his pretty white throne, watching as he moves us all in the directions he chooses…_

_After the crap he's pulled, I want to bust into that place and cut him to pieces. I know I'm not near strong enough to pull it off…and besides, he's got us distracted with the trapped fighters. I move forward with Captain and Zabimaru is out and blazing into ban kai form with little more than a thought. The wall of petals shields the relief forces as they open the path for retreat. _

"All right!" _yells our third seat, _"We have you covered! Now, get those people out of here!"

_Everyone grabs what injured and dead they can and they start running like hell. Captain holds the wall of petals around them, ensuring their retreat path, blinding the enemy to the approach of Zabimaru as he screams forward, erupting out of the swirl of pink and blasting red flame at everything in his path. I love hitting them with that…watching the red, pink and white light mix and sweep everything away. _

_I wonder if your plans included that, you traitorous scum…_

_I hope they didn't. I hope he's sitting there, biting his nails and furious because we aren't letting him have our spies. We're getting them out and there's not a damned thing he can do about it. I only hope they got some really useful information in exchange for those who gave their lives…_

"Hurry! Get them out! More are coming in!"

_I hear a rush of shikai releases and blasts of kido, working in support of our efforts and holding the enemy back. They'd best hurry. I feel another wave of attackers closing in…_

All right! All right!" _howls the third seat,_ "They're through! Fall back! Get out of there!"

_The dead and injured have been evacuated and Captain and I continue to rip apart the enemy contingent as our squad holds the garganta open and begins to move towards it. They have their eyes on us as they move, because they know we are most vulnerable leaving the field. A sudden rush could cut between us and Captain and I would be pretty much screwed. They know that, though, so they are moving carefully. We intensify our fire and start to back off too. I'm just starting to feel relieved, when something changes…_

_There is a sudden quiver in the air…a shiver of movement. I can't see what it is, and I'm not sure how it got inside our guard, but whatever it is, is closing in on my captain…likely targeting him for capture. Hell, maybe that was in Aizen's plans all along. Or maybe he cooked it up just watching us work together to beat the shit out of his forces. I don't know. Whatever the reason, it's not happening. I angle myself towards the captain and flash step like hell. And just before I reach him, I see what it is. _

_I see it and I can't believe my damned eyes…_

_Aizen…_

_And he's just feet away…_

_Byakuya can't see him coming, but the bastard wanted me to see…_

_He wanted me to know what was about to happen…to sit there helpless and watch my captain be killed or captured. He wanted to hurt me. I wonder if it's because he's pissed he didn't kill me before. Well…that may have been a part of his tricky, underhanded, diabolical little plan…_

_But he miscalculated..._

_He underestimated me…_

_I don't even pause to think about what it all means. I am not the useless sack of shit I used to be. And no one, not the devil, himself, attacks my captain!_

_Zabimaru shoots in from the side, not aimed at Aizen, but at Byakuya. He looks up in shock, then back at me as I throw myself into Aizen's path and watch my captain get carried back to the safety of the senkaimon. The skeletal snake hits the ground just short, the head exploding and sending Byakuya and the last few others into the garganta. I have a momentary glimpse of them holding him tightly as it closes, then realize that segment by segment, Zabimaru is continuing to explode. Piece by piece, he erupts into shards of bone and red light until finally even the hilt blows apart, throwing me backwards and making the lights dim around me._

_But it doesn't matter…_

_I did my job…_

_I protected my captain…_

_And when there was a choice to be made about who was to be saved, I made sure it was him. I'm not sorry…not a damned bit sorry. Not even as my head turns and I see through the streams of blood running into my eyes…_

_Aizen's feet…_

…_moving so slowly in my direction. And when I look up at the motherfucker's face, I want to kill him all over again. The son of a bitch doesn't look angry…not angry at all. He looks…amused. I couldn't move even if I wasn't cut up and bleeding out. That guy's reiatsu practically smothers me. But I'm not complaining. If it is my fate to trade my life for Byakuya's…if I die here…then that would be an honorable death…one worthy of a strong fighter._

"Renji Abarai,"_ that soft, sinister voice purrs, _"Why am I not surprised?"

_He takes hold of the torn front of my bloody shihakushou and drags me onto my knees. It hurts so bad, I surrender a scream and grab at his hands, but he holds me there, staring down at me with those deceptively gentle looking brown eyes._

"What?" _I manage to choke out, _"Did I ruin your brilliant plan…to take Captain Kuchiki hostage? To hurt him? To kill him? Well…fuck you and your miserable plans! I'm not letting you have him!"

"I see that,"_ he says, his face still maddeningly calm, _"I see it quite clearly, Renji…"

_I get a really creepy feeling when his lips curve into a smile._

"Yes…you have done what any good little vice captain would do. You sacrificed yourself to protect your captain. You did an excellent job of that…although…"

_And suddenly, I can't breathe…_

"You sort of miscalculated. But then…you don't possess the kind of multi-level strategic thinking that Byakuya does. Not many people do."

"H-how…?"

"How did you miscalculate?" _he goes on, still smiling as Gin joins him, _"Why Renji, that is simple. It is a function of your simpler mind to think in black and white terms…allies and enemies…rises and falls…hatred and love…"

_That sends another chill through me. But…how would he know? No one knows, but me…right?_

"Get to the point, you b-bastard!" _I hiss, _"How did I…?"

"You give yourself too little credit…far too little. You always were low on self-esteem. You miniaturize your importance, but you…you were becoming too strong…and you and Byakuya together…posed an unnecessarily strong threat."

"What?"

"Let me make this simple for you. I didn't believe for a moment that you would let your captain down again."

_Fuck…that hurts…more than the bleeding wounds…bastard!_

"Having already failed him, you were bound to fight to the death to save him…and when he was directly threatened, I knew you would throw yourself between us. I must compliment you on how well you did that. You have made yourself very strong…and that made you a target. I would have had to sacrifice too much taking him down…but you…you threw yourself into my arms. I am flattered."

"Screw you!"

_He looks amused again…_

"I assure you," _he says, his voice getting softer and scarier, _"The one who is screwed here is not me. It's you…Renji Abarai. Now…sleep for a bit. Don't worry. I have no intention of letting you die."

_Everything goes hazy around me…_

"I do have a use for you. But you need to be healed first…"

_I get one more glimpse…just a quick glance down at my wrecked body. And as the darkness folds around me, I see it…_

_Zabimaru's markings no longer cover my body. My skin is pale and white beneath the blood…and I can't hear my zanpakutou's voice anymore…_

_Zabimaru…_

_Oh…kami, not like this!_

**(A/N**Don't worry! I don't plan on making this too angsty. Even a humorous story needs a little angst, but I won't let Aizen get too nasty with poor Renji. He will be in a tight spot and in need of rescuing, though…and what about Zabimaru? Yikes…I will have to get another chapter up very soon! I'll write faster if you review! *giggles wickedly*)**


	8. The Captive

**Chapter 8: The Captive**

_When I first become aware again, I can't feel a damned thing. It's like I've been disconnected from my body. I can sense that the room I'm in is small, and I can hear voices._

"Really Sousuke, the next time you want to keep a prisoner alive, you have to try not to hit him quite so hard. He is a mess! And don't get me started on the state of his zanpakutou!"

"I hit him exactly as hard as I meant to," _Aizen answers, _"I know exactly how much Renji's body is capable of withstanding. It would have been an insult to him for me to have held back. I hit him hard enough so that he would know that I am serious."

"Hmmm…" _Gin says, sounding amused, _"Any more serious and we wouldn't have anything left of the poor boy to heal."

_I feel one of those little, pesky needles break my skin and I want to throw up or pass out, but I think I'm not even fully conscious. I must have made some kind of sound because they stop talking and a quick pulse of kido sends me into oblivion again._

_I start to feel hot and sweaty. I shake all over as someone washes my face, throat and chest with a cool, wet washcloth. And suddenly I'm spun back through time to when I got so sick with the flu, I really thought I was going to die…_

_I was sitting at my desk, working, and I kept shivering. It felt like cold air kept blowing on me, so I yelled at Rikichi to check and see if the back door was opened, making the room drafty. It does that sometimes. Rikichi came back, looking puzzled, and he shook his head when I asked if someone left the door open._

"No sir," _he said, respectfully,_ "I checked it and the door was closed."

"Ugh…" _I grumbled, _"We need some heat in here…"

"But," _Rikichi began, but he saw the look on my face and broke off._

"Renji, are you okay?" _he asked, tentatively, because he could tell my temper was iffy._

"Yeah, Rikichi,"_ I sighed, still feeling like shit, but trying not to be so obvious,_ "I'm fine. Now, take those reports to the first and fourth division. And when you're done, take this requisition to the supply clerk. We need these provisions before we leave for the living world."

"Yes sir!" _he said, taking the papers and flash stepping away._

_I rested my hot face on a cool hand and tried not to think about how bad I felt, and when the door opened and Captain returned from his meeting, I met him with a stack of finished reports._

"Welcome back, sir," _I greeted him,_ "Here are the reports you needed, the records from the last group that surveyed the area. Here are the training schedules and the living world and Hueco Mundo deployment lists."

_He nodded approvingly._

"Arigato, Renji. Now, the new recruiting list arrived and there are some discrepancies in the last shipment of supplies we received. If you could concentrate on the recruiting list and choose any candidates you feel would be useful. You can delegate the shipping issue."

"Yes sir."

_I handed off the shipping information to the third seat and dropped a little roughly back into my chair, opening the recruit file. I started to read, but my head ached so badly, I couldn't read quickly. And as I read too slowly, Captain appeared at my desk with another stack of shit work…as if I didn't have enough to do. There was an itchiness and heavy feeling in my chest, my throat hurt and my stomach started aching until I couldn't help but lay my head down on my desk._

"Abarai," _Captain said, startling me._

_I straightened up, but a few minutes later, I was bending forward and dropping my face onto my desk again. I turned my head to the side so I could still read in that position, but soon, everything on the page went fuzzy, and when the captain said something else, his voice was too garbled for me to understand. I saw him get up and I tried to get up, too, but I collapsed. I felt him catch me, and I shivered and my teeth chattered because his arms were so cold. He said something else I couldn't understand, then let me down slightly so I could throw up into the trash can._

_Everything got really hazy after that…well, except the part where I heard him mention the fourth division and I went ape shit, struggling and moaning that I wasn't going to that fucking place as long as I was still alive and kicking. His voice broke through then, and it felt so good to hear him, I just went limp in his arms and let him carry me into my quarters._

"Really, Abarai, you are…"

_He says that so often, and I always wonder what he would say if he finished, but I think if he knew how to define me, then he wouldn't stop there._

_Anyway, I drifted in and out for what seemed like a really long time. I sensed Hanatarou in the room. And I heard Captain say that he knew I must be very unwell because I didn't even flinch when the healer stuck me with a needle. It got really quiet and I slept a lot. But I remember that every time I surfaced, he was there. Sometimes he washed my face and throat with a cool cloth, sometimes he talked to me and I mumbled something back at him, and sometimes I would crack my eyes open and see him sitting in the chair beside my bed, working quietly as I slept. Rukia came in and insulted me a few times, then sat holding my hand and telling me to get my act together and get well. After she left, Captain came back again. He stayed until the fever broke and Hanatarou told him I was on the mend._

_I woke up in the middle of the night, all sweaty and weak as a kitten. I hated feeling so sticky, so I shrugged off my yukata and got out of bed to go take a shower. In true Abarai form, I got about halfway across the room, then collapsed and went crashing to the floor. I laid there stunned as the door opened and Captain stepped into the room and spotted me lying naked on the floor._

"Abarai, what the devil are you doing on the floor?" _he asked, sounding more frazzled than was customary._

"Ah…Captain," _I said, blinking because there were at least two of him,_ "I was just going to shower and get all of this sweat off."

"Well," _he said, hauling me to my feet, _"Do try to be a little quieter about it."

_He didn't look happy that I wanted to shower alone while I was still so weak, but he didn't say anything. I was dizzy and kept seeing spots, but I stayed on my feet long enough to wash away the dampness. I stumbled out of the shower and returned to my bed to find that it had been stripped and the sheets and blankets replaced. I fell into bed and slept like a baby until the next morning. I got up and dressed, made his tea and set it beside him as usual._

"Well, Abarai," _he said, looking up at me,_ "You finally decided to cease lying around and be productive."

_I still felt pretty sapped, but there was something about the way he said that, that made me get a goofy smile on my face that I couldn't get rid of. When he asked me later why I was smiling so much, I said that it must be some left over delirium. That's the first time I ever saw him come that close to laughing. Just a quick flare of those big gray eyes, a puff of breath that moved the dark strands of hair around his face, and a quirking at the corner of his lips._

_Damned cute…_

_My current situation is anything but cute._

_Once I regain consciousness, I find myself held down in a kido field on a bed in what looks like a damned guestroom. The bed is soft, and I'd probably be comfortable if I could move an inch. I sense I'm not alone and out of the corner of my eye, I see that Aizen is sitting next to the bed._

_This is so not like what happened when I was sick that time. This is more like one of my worst nightmares. But he hasn't done anything painful since taking me down, so I decide to be quiet and let him tell me whatever he's waiting to say. He notices my eyes are open and gives me that slippery smile of his. Yeah, it makes the hairs rise on the back of my neck, just like always._

"I hope you rested comfortably," _he says in that calm, gentle voice._

_I know damned good and well not to trust it for a second. I glare at him…then my stomach turns and I groan. He gathers from the look on my face that I'm about to be sick and he releases the kido field. I don't know why. It's stupid really, but I start to hit him as he moves closer, but my arms feel weak and heavy and my legs shake when I try to stand. He lets me fall onto the floor, and I retaliate by throwing up on the floor really close to his feet. I miss, unfortunately, and he glares a little and shakes his head dismissively._

"Always the troublesome one, ne?" _he mutters, turning and ordering a hollow guard to help me back into bed._

_The thing touches me and I throw up on it. I feel like shit, but that's actually enough to make me laugh. I just wish I'd gotten Aizen. He deserves it, the bastard! The hollow snarls and hits me in the face, sending me back to the floor again. My head throbs so badly that I can't help but moan. Aizen gives an annoyed sounding sigh._

"For one so strong, you have an alarmingly weak constitution. Even with your powers sealed away, you should be better than this. I'm disappointed."

"Well," _I groan dizzily,_ "What the hell else is new?"

_He blinks real slowly and watches as a different hollow guard warily helps me back into bed and asks Aizen if he should turn on the kido field._

"No, it isn't necessary," _Aizen says with quiet sarcasm,_ "We have de-fanged him. As weak as he is, he won't have the strength to put a mark on even a weakling like you."

_Shit. He insulted both the guard and me in the same breath. Now, I'm glad I'm the prisoner, although admittedly, this could get really unpleasant really fast._

"I imagine you want to know why I plan to keep you here," _he goes on,_ "I won't keep you in suspense. Part of it is because of what I said before. You and Byakuya have brought new strength to the Gotei 13, working so well together. Looking at the two of you fighting together, I wonder…are you in a relationship?"

"What business is that of yours, you sick prick?" _I snap._

_It's strange. My head knows this guy could kill me in a heartbeat, but my mouth seems to have sprouted a will of its own. A will and one hell of a bad temper. It's like I'm not afraid of anything._

"I wouldn't tell you even if there was something between us…and for the record, there's not!"

"Hmmm…" _he muses, his lips quirking oddly,_ "I see."

_He's playing some kind of game. I know he is. But what?_

"It may interest you to know that I kept very close tabs on the laboratory that you and Byakuya blew up. I had internal surveillance cameras which recorded the entirety of your attack."

_He pauses, and I'm pretty sure I know what's coming._

"Renji," _he says in a voice that tells me I'm not getting anything by him, _"I know exactly what was in that syringe that Byakuya was injected with."

"And?" _I shoot back._

_I am not telling him a damned thing!_

"And…I know that you and Byakuya were not able to return to the Seireitei until the next day."

"And what the hell does any of that have to do with you?" _I yell at him._

_I don't know exactly why I'm so pissed, but if I had any reiatsu, I'd be glowing red right now._

"Well, as the one who commissioned the study, I have an interest in the effects of the drug. Now, I assume that you and Byakuya had sex?"

_I give him a glare that could melt his zanpakutou and I manage to avoid answering._

"It's really a moot question, I admit," _he goes on,_ "I know you had sex, because if you had not, then Byakuya would be in the fourth division, suffering a full mental collapse."

"You sick fuck! What did you do?"

_I want so badly to get up, but it seems like the angrier I get, the more energy gets sucked out of me. So I just continue to glare at him. Kami, I'd love to hit him…just once, full on with Zabimaru._

_Damn._

_Zabimaru…_

"Renji? What is wrong?" _he asks._

_He actually sounds like he gives a damn. Not that he does or anything, but he's good at pretending._

"Look, what do you want from me?" _I demand,_ "You say you wanted to capture me. You said it was more than just separating me from Byakuya. So, why? Why the hell am I here?"

_Oh shit. His smile just got even creepier. I have a really bad feeling about this._

"I have an interest in the effect of the drug."

"The effect of the…" _I begin,_ "If you want to know the effects of the drug, then you should be talking to Byakuya. He was the one who was…"

"Renji…Renji, you silly boy. Don't you understand anything? That drug did more than just make Byakuya crave sexual release. It had an effect on any sexual partners he had that night. Now, why don't you be a good boy and tell me, did Byakuya screw you? Only you, that night? It's all right. I won't tell anyone if you don't want them to know."

"Fuck you!" _I yell, dragging myself to my feet and grabbing at him._

_I don't know what I was thinking. I'm on the ground and he's holding me down and staring into my eyes before I can inhale to insult him again. He doesn't touch me, but his reiatsu begins to close in around me, tightening until it squeezes the air out of my lungs._

"I am going to pretend that you didn't just do something that stupid, Renji. I'll ask you one last time, were you the only sexual partner Byakuya had that night?"

_Okay, it might seem like suicide, but I spit in his face. His reiatsu wraps around me even tighter, squeezing me until I'm shaking all over and seeing stars._

"And I said, f—"

_A kido spell hits me and makes the lights go out, but I force out a laugh._

"I should just kill you now, you insignificant mongrel."

_I may be insignificant, but I'm not giving that bastard anything!_

_I don't know how much later I wake up again. The lights are out and I'm alone in the room. The kido field is off, so I drag myself out of bed and look around in the darkness. There's a window across the room and I stumble over to it and look out at the stars and crescent moon. And it's then that I remember dreaming about him._

_He was alone in the office after hours, working, but with a tension in his body that usually isn't there. He stopped every once in a while to look over at my empty desk. Then he'd go back to working like a maniac on something that wasn't the usual set of reports and inventories. He looked frustrated and summoned a hell butterfly._

"Head Captain Yamamoto," _he said quietly,_ "I understand why you denied me permission to attempt a rescue of Renji Abarai. I will honor that request, however, I am traveling to Hueco Mundo to determine, if I can, my vice captain's placement within the fortress, as well as any other useful information. I will not attempt a rescue at this point, but will gather appropriate intelligence and report back to you before taking any action."

_He watches as the hell butterfly leaves, then gets up and walks over to my desk. He takes something out of his pocket and sets it carefully on my desk, then stares down silently at it for a moment before turning and flash stepping away._

_All of a sudden, I know I wasn't dreaming._

_I don't know how long ago that vision came to me…how long I slept after, but it was long enough so that when I looked out the window of the tower, I saw his silhouette in the distance. Even if not for the shape of his body and the long ends of the ginpaku kazahana no uzuginu that fluttered wildly in the wind, I would never mistake the way he moves or the glint of moonlight in his eyes as he watches and waits._

_Kami...I hope he is careful._

_I feel sick inside thinking about the fact that Aizen probably anticipated he would come for me. But just his presence brings some strength back into me and tells me to be ready to fight. I look down at my too pale, unmarked body and wonder if I can._

_Zabimaru..._

_I strain to feel his presence until I'm seeing spots and I feel like throwing up again. But there is no answer...nothing at all. Just a silence as cold and deep as the desert outside the tower._


	9. Lessons in Resisting

**Chapter 9: Lessons in Resisting**

_I think it was a pretty big mistake for Aizen to let me know that he was interested in observing me for a while. Knowing that he's interested in the effect of the drug, and knowing that my captain is somewhere nearby, plotting my escape gives me a feeling of having the upper hand, even when I'm so deep in shit that I can't dig my way out. I mean, let's just check the tally sheet._

_First off, I'm powerless. I'm not under the kido field anymore, but they put this damned band on my wrist, and it makes me feel like I have about as much energy as an old man. And I don't know what's doing it…and those bastards won't tell me, of course, but I'm sick at least once every day. I feel nauseous at other times too, so I haven't been eating much. You'd think that would mean that I would lose weight, but instead, I've gained a few pounds. I can tell because my clothes feel tighter. They take me to their training room to walk around a little, but what I need to be doing is sparring. At home, Captain Kuchiki has me busting my ass out in the training grounds every day. I might complain like hell sometimes about how hard he works me, but I am usually in great shape. Now, I'm thickening around the middle, which, even though I'm not really all that vain…it kinda makes me feel bad. I am going to have to work extra hard when I get home to drop the extra pounds._

_For now, I'm in a holding pattern. They aren't hurting me or asking any questions about military secrets. The one I see the most is Gin. He's kinda creepy, and I get the sense that if Aizen wasn't so interested in whatever that drug did, he would be doing things that would really scare the shit out of me. In the back of my mind, I'm aware that at some point they will decide they've studied me enough and all bets will be off, but for now, we're kind of at an impasse._

_So every day, I wake up, throw up, exercise a little, piss of Gin by not really answering his questions, get threatened a bit, and spend time staring out the window in the direction where I feel my captain's reiatsu. I only saw his silhouette that once, but I still know he's there._

_And I can't be totally sure, but I think he knows I'm in this tower now…_

_Sometimes I think I can even hear his thoughts in my head. I don't know, I guess, if it's real or wishful thinking, but I feel it just the same as if we were in the same room. It's kind of a relief not to be completely alone in my head since Zabimaru still hasn't spoken to me since that day. He hasn't re-formed either. It's scary as hell to think about, so I just focus on my captain's voice and figure I'll know Zabimaru's fate when I get outta this place._

"Abarai, _will_ you please hold still?" _asks Gin impatiently,_ "Your fidgeting is wreaking havoc on my readings!"

"Well, it's not my fault," _I complain,_ "I tried to tell you I gotta take a piss."

_He gives me a look that says he'd rather relieve me of the parts that require it, than to let me relieve myself at the moment, but he sees Aizen coming in the door and lets me up. As I stand up, the room sorta spins and I feel that pitching in my stomach. Gin is too busy greeting Aizen to notice what's about to happen, so he just about jumps out of his skin as I unload all over him and simultaneously lose control of my bladder. That part is a little uncomfortable. I just wonder how I got so fucked up. Like maybe they slipped in and did some freaky surgery or something. It's too scary a thought and I'm too busy trying to avoid being torn up by Gin, who apparently doesn't like me throwing up all over him and leaving urine on the floor. I feel worse than a dog that is both sick and not potty trained as Aizen shakes his head and takes Gin by the not-thrown-up-on arm, and gestures for me to go clean myself up._

_Damn, that was embarrassing…_

_I take my time in the bathroom, cleaning up in the shower and finding a clean, white yukata. When I get back, Gin is gone (thank kami). Unfortunately, he'll be back. And even more unfortunately, it seems that Aizen wants to talk to me._

"How are you feeling, Renji?"_ he asks, as if he was, once again, the gentle looking captain of the fifth division, talking to a subordinate he actually cared about._

"Fine, except for being locked up here, getting sick all of the time, having Gin badger me with questions, gaining weight from lack of exercise and having you ask so many damned stupid questions."

"Moody today, ne?"_ he says, giving me a cryptic smile that makes me feel sick all over again,_ "Are you always so pleasant, or is this just for me?"

"Actually,"_ I tell him, sitting down on the edge of my bed, _"This is just how I am when someone kidnaps me and locks me up for weeks on end. It's going on three months and neither one of you bastards has given me a clue of what you want from me. Just tell me, so I can tell you to fuck off and you can send me back home. How does that sound?"

_Aizen shakes his head and gives me a look that tells me that if I didn't have something he wanted, he would be making me hurt very badly right now. I'm on the borderline of making him mad enough to hurt me now, so I shut up._

"You never do change, do you, Renji?" _he goes on, giving me another spine chilling smile._

_He looks down at a file that Gin has been keeping on me and reads through it, ignoring me for a bit while I pull my legs up onto the bed and sit more comfortably._

"Hmmm," _he says finally,_ "It says here that you have not spoken to Zabimaru since the day of your capture and that none of our instruments has sensed the zanpakutou's re-formation."

_My stomach clenches. Not a good thing, considering how easily I throw up these days._

"You have this damned seal on my powers,"_ I remind him, _"So you know that Zabimaru can't form again until you take it off and I call to him."

_He reaches into a pocket and withdraws a test tube that has a piece of jagged metal in it. I realize what it is and lose whatever's left in my stomach into the trashcan._

"Give that to me!"_ I yell at him, _"It's a piece of my zanpakutou!"

"I have _all_ of the pieces of your zanpakutou, Renji," _he tells me in that same, falsely gentle tone, _"I had them carefully gathered after our battle. The reason your zanpakutou has not returned...and incidentally, the reason that you have lost your markings, is because I have not allowed him to heal yet. I have purposely locked him into his current state...in pieces. And if you do not become a lot more cooperative, I am going to destroy each of them. If I do that, then your zanpakutou is going to die, Renji."

_He focuses on the piece he has, and it becomes a puff of smoke. I know then that he's not shitting me. The son of a bitch isn't joking. I can feel Zabimaru's pain, even though I can't hear his voice._

_Damn, we're in really big trouble!_

"Now," _Aizen goes on, _"I want you to answer a very simple set of questions, Renji. And each time you defy me, I will destroy a little bit more of your zanpakutou. First question, How do you feel?"

"Sick to my stomach," _I tell him, figuring he knew it already anyway._

"I see that you have been suffering from vomiting, nausea, sleep disturbances, night sweats, weight gain, moodiness and a frequent need to urinate."

"Yeah, so what?" _I ask, not liking the look of approval it earns._

"Do you have any other odd symptoms?"

"Like what?" _I ask, frowning, _"Like that's not enough discomfort for you?"

"Do you have any…strange hallucinations? Any voices in your mind?"

Immediately, Byakuya's voice comes to mind, and I can almost feel how close he is to the fortress. But I'm not giving Aizen that!

"I might've had some weird dreams…about monsters and being knocked around in a battle or two, but nothing like visions or voices in my head."

"You are a horrible liar, Renji," _he says coldly, another bit of Zabimaru appearing in his hand._

_He incinerates it before I can answer him._

"Now, why don't you tell me? Do you hear someone's voice in your head?"

"Why? Did you have that crackpot, Gin, open up my head and put some kinda implant in me? Is that why I'm so fucking sick all of the time? It doesn't work, you bastard! So take it out and let me go home!"

_He sighs and shakes his head like a disappointed parent. Another shard of my zanpakutou appears in his hand._

"Look, I _told_ you the truth!" _I gasp, aching all over, feeling Zabimaru's pain all through me, _"I don't have any voices in my head!"

_The piece of Zabimaru flashes and turns to ash._

_Now, I hear Zabimaru's voice._

_Don't tell the son of a bitch anything!_

"_What's there to tell?" I think back, "I don't know what he's talking about!"_

_Good. Then shut up and stay shut up!_

"_But he'll…"_

_I know. But we don't help the enemy…ever._

"Renji…"

_As Aizen opens his hand to summon another bit of my zanpakutou, the fortress begins to shake all around us as a series of explosions go off in a sort of domino effect. One sets off another, which touches off another. Alarms start blaring and Aizen's on his feet and out the door in a second. I know it's locked, but I check anyway, then go to the window and look out and down at the chaos taking place below me._

_I see charge after charge explode and then waves of kido strikes begin to come in from all around. At first, it looks like a really well coordinated sabotage mission. But then I feel my captain's thoughts in my head and I sense his reiatsu coming closer. Hollows are scattering everywhere outside, searching around in a vain attempt to find an enemy who has completely fooled them._

_Because that strike wasn't just sabotage._

_Byakuya is coming after me. And the reason those bastards didn't find anything is because there's no attack force to find. He set it all up…placed the munitions around the edges of the fortress, set kido blasters to fire from the desert. And then, he had every bit of the evidence destroy itself as Aizen's hollow forces moved in to investigate._

_And he did all of that to get inside…_

_He's inside the fortress now, and headed in my direction, crazy bastard! If I didn't love him before, I sure as hell do now, as I feel his reiatsu move in my direction. I almost start crying when the door is blown open and he flash steps in and takes me off my feet._

_He doesn't say a word, but flash steps like hell, running crazy-fast to get us out of there. He doesn't bother putting me down. There's no time to spare as we blaze past confused guards, into the kitchen area and out onto the shipping dock. I hear Gin's voice somewhere behind and what he says, chills me to the bone._

"Say goodbye to Zabimaru!"

"Oh…oh kami, Captain!" _I yell, _"Captain, he has…"

"It will be all right," _he manages as he escapes the grasp of a group of hollows that try to grab us, _"Relax, Renji."

_But I can hold back a scream of pain when Aizen appears near the place where they were holding me, with something in his hands. I scream at Byakuya and he slides to a stop, glancing back at the traitor. Whatever he's holding bursts into flame and disappears, and pain shoots through me so badly that I scream and everything goes black for a good, long time._

_When I wake up again, I'm flat on my back in the fourth division, and Captain is right beside me, holding one of my hands in his._

"Quiet," _he says, when I try to speak, _"Rest now. You are back in the Seireitei. Everything will be all right."

"But…Zabimaru!"

_He gives me a shit-eating smile and opens his other hand. In his palm rests one of the teeth from my zanpakutou._

"C-captain!" _I say, embarrassed as hell because tears start running from my eyes and I can't stop them, _"Captain, how?"

_He squeezes my hand lightly._

"When your zanpakutou exploded and forced me back, this piece lodged itself in my leg. _That_ is how, Abarai. And how _very_ like you and your ridiculous zanpakutou!"

_His words might be as sarcastic as usual, but if I ever felt anything resembling affection from this guy, I feel it now. He's really good at maintaining an air of calm and hiding his emotions, but it's like I'm in his head and I can feel the near-giddiness in both of us now. All of a sudden, things aren't so funny. Because all of a sudden, I remember Aizen's questions. And I'm scared shitless all over again._

"Abarai, are you all right?"_ Byakuya asks, looking unnerved._

"I'm okay," _I assure him, _"But you need to know, there's something up with Aizen."

"Did he tell you something of importance?"

"Yeah, yeah he did."

"Well, do not keep it to yourself, Abarai. Tell me."

"That drug you were given," _I tell him,_ "It did something."

_I'm about to spill everything, when the door opens and Captain Unohana comes in, carrying my chart and smiling to see I am awake._

"How very good to see you have regained consciousness," _she says, smiling_, "Now, I need to go over your scan results. There are a few things we need to discuss."

"Can Captain stay?" _I ask._

_I'm relieved beyond measure when she tells me he can. Byakuya looks relieved also._

"In general,"_ she tells us, _"You are in perfect health. Apparently, your captors took care of you while you were in Las Noches. You will need to provide us with information later about what, exactly, they did do while you were there."

"Well," _I tell her, _"They couldn't do a lot to me, because Aizen was watching me for some reason. And he asked a lot of weird questions…like how I was feeling, what symptoms I was having. He kept talking about that drug that Captain got hit with."

"I have examined Captain Kuchiki several times since then," _she tries to assure me, _"and all of his tests have come back normal. Do you think he injected _you_ with that drug? Because I will tell you, there were no signs of _any _drugs in your system. All I found were indications of proper nutrition, vitamins and minerals. As I said, your captors took excellent care of you, for some reason. And I think I know what that reason is."

_She gives me a look like she doesn't want to go on, and I know that whatever's coming can't be good. Sickness rises up in my throat and I have to throw up in the wastebasket next to the bed before she goes on._

"We usually do a deeper scan," _she tells me, _"one that picks up every little detail of body and reiatsu. However, we were unable to perform a deep scan on you."

"What?" _Byakuya and I say together._

"This will not be easy for you to hear," _she says, making me feel sick again, _"but when we performed your initial sweep examination, we found something disturbing."

_Byakuya's face pales even more than usual and I have to swallow real hard a few times before I find my voice again._

"What is it?" _I manage to whisper, finally._

_She lowers her eyes and stares at the chart._

"We could not complete a deep scan, because you are pregnant."

_I'm not even sure that I heard that, but she's going on._

"We suspect that while you were unconscious, Sousuke Aizen or his associates impregnated you."

_For a second, I'm ready to freak out…then I remember my night with Byakuya that he doesn't remember and I freak out all over again. I can't say anything and I feel like I'm about to faint._

"Vice Captain Abarai," _she goes on, _"You are aware that you cannot be allowed to have the child of an enemy."

_Sweet kami!_

"It's not the child of an enemy," _Byakuya and I say together._

_I stop and stare at my captain, wondering if he somehow remembered._

"I…see," _says Captain Unohana, _"So I gather that Vice Captain Abarai became pregnant before his capture? We _are _conducting tests to confirm the approximate date of conception…"

_I'm scared so badly now and for so many different reasons, I can't move. The room starts to spin, and as everything goes dark, I hear something incredible._

"The baby is mine," _Byakuya says calmly._

_Holy shit! _

_He must have remembered!_

_Now, even if I wake up again, I am going to be a dead man._

_But at least I'll die happy, ne?_


	10. The Price for our Actions

**Chapter 10: The Price for our Actions**

_When I wake up again, Captain and I are alone in the hospital room, and there is hot ginger tea waiting for me. I usually wouldn't prefer it really, but it seems to make me feel a lot less like I need to throw up, and more settled. He doesn't say anything much as I drink the tea. I think we're both feeling each other out. I know better than to say anything about what he told Captain Unohana. He'll tell me what made him say it when he's ready to talk. For now, we're just catching our breath. It settles over me again how he just burst into Las Noches on his own to rescue me. _

_I've only seen him act with such determination a few times, and I know what it means. It's just washing over me that his behavior wasn't just the behavior of a captain, taking back a captured subordinate. If that was all it was, then he would have secured proper permission and would have come with a rescue team. He wouldn't have come in against the head captain's orders and taken on the entire base on his own like that. No…it wasn't duty, and it wasn't desperation._

_And now I feel like I can't breathe._

_I think back to when he admitted to me that he had been dreaming about a man kissing him. At the time, I knew better than to push him to hard by asking who. And when he said that he wanted to go further than kissing, even though he said it was so that he would not be naïve about such things, I sensed something else was driving him. He couldn't go through with it, and at the time, I wondered why._

_But I think I knew why…_

_And as he looks up at me, I see it. It's probably been there, plain as day, in the man's dark gray eyes. But for some reason, I couldn't see it before. Maybe I was so afraid I would be rejected, I never considered that he might already have grown a place in his heart, just for me._

_I know I have to be pregnant, because as it falls over me that Captain Kuchiki might already be in love with me, tears start to rise in my eyes. I'm not pathetic enough to let him see. I turn my head to look out at the stars, and carefully brush the tears away with the edge of a sleeve. But he senses something isn't right and, of course, calls me on it._

_Damn…_

"Are you all right? Do you want me to bring Captain Unohana back in?" _he asks._

"No, I'm fine,"_ I tell him._

_Gods, there's so much we have to dig through here. I don't know where to begin. Where do I begin?_

"I imagine that you are curious as to why I claimed your unborn child as my own," _he says in a quiet, serious tone._

_So many things pop into my head all at once, I can't answer him. I stare at him like an idiot and I can't even open my mouth._

"Gomen nasai, Renji,"_ he goes on, _"I know I've placed us in an awkward position, but I didn't think it was right…them acting so suddenly without giving you time to process what was happening."

"What?" 

_It's all I can say. Nothing else comes into my mind as it spins and repeats those words he just said to me._

"Captain Unohana was going to have to order that your pregnancy be terminated. I didn't think it was right for them to act so suddenly. You need time to confirm exactly what you think is the right thing to do."

"And it doesn't matter to you whether this kid is yours or Sousuke Aizen's?" _I ask, because, believe me, I never would have expected to hear this from Byakuya Kuchiki…never!_

"Renji," _he says in an oddly nostalgic tone, _"Children are a precious thing. They are the means by which a person or two people have continuance, even though they, themselves, must pass into death. And the children, themselves are innocent. So even though this child could be Sousuke Aizen's, it doesn't mean that child will _be_ like Aizen. Every soul that lives and breathes experiences life in his or her own way and grows into maturity through their own set of fates and choices. And even if not for that, regardless of who fathered the child, he or she is also part of you, and that means that you should be the one to decide this child's fate…not blind justice…not politicians or military leaders. I suggest, Renji, that given this time, you should seek out Kisuke Urahara and you should find out what you need to know about this child's parentage. And then, you must decide what you will do. I only meant by claiming the child to give you time to do that. And even the time I gave you is limited. Because once the child is born, the Kuchiki elders will be able to read his or her lineage. Then, the truth will be exposed."

And won't that be a surprise…

_I stare at him, knowing now is a good time to tell him, but wondering. Because honestly, there are blank spots from the three months when I was held captive. Perhaps there is a small chance that someone else there impregnated me. But then, Aizen seemed too interested in me being Byakuya's sexual partner. Still, Aizen never told me I was pregnant. He seemed more interested in the mental and emotional connections between us. The whole thing leaves me very, very confused. I still feel convinced this baby is actually Byakuya's…but there's enough doubt to make me cautious about telling him. I want to be sure, and there's a good reason for waiting._

_I heard the pain in what he just said about kids…about how they are a continuance. And in his case, he was denied having that continuance when he married Hisana. He didn't say that, just now, but it was there beneath the words. And now, I know that before I tease Byakuya with the idea that he could be this child's father, I have to know for sure. So, I make the decision to go to Karakura Town as soon as I am released, so that I can know for sure. And once it's confirmed, I will tell him._

_For now, I focus on the one really important thing we need to deal with…and that's what Byakuya Kuchiki just did for me. It was reckless and it was in defiance of the head captain's orders, but he saved me and I am going to love him forever for it. When I think back to what would have happened if I'd stayed there longer? I mean, they hadn't even told me I was pregnant. I don't know. Maybe they never would have told me. Maybe Aizen would have hypnotized me and I would never have known. And when I wasn't pregnant anymore, I probably would have disappeared into the prisons and never been heard from again. I'm not being overly dramatic here. That's how those creepy bastards operate…really._

_So I'm about as thankful as a guy can be. And I'm also falling more and more deeply in love with my captain by the moment._

"Are you going to say something, Renji?" _he asks, finally._

How do you give proper thanks to the guy you love more than life itself, especially after he risks life and limb to bust into Las Noches and snatches you from the most evil shinigami ever to walk the three worlds? I don't know where to begin.

_So I look into his eyes for a moment, then lean forward and wrap my arms around him. He makes a small sound of surprise and there is a slight tension in his body, but he doesn't resist as my arms close around him and my head comes to rest on his shoulder. I close my eyes and breathe in that sweet, sakura scent that's always around him, and I sigh and let my weight rest against him. The tension in his body eases and I can't help but smile into his shoulder as his arms wrap around me and tighten._

"So…you are not angry with me for saying what I did?" _he asks._

_I can't help but give a little laugh._

"Are you kidding me?" _I ask, still embracing him, _"You single-handedly busted into fucking _Las Noches_ and took me straight out of Sousuke Aizen's hands. And after that, you stayed with me to make sure I was all right and you said what you did to keep them from doing medical procedures on me without my consent. And after all of that, you think I'd be _angry_? Baka!"

Huh…I just got away with calling Byakuya Kuchiki an idiot…

_He didn't even flinch._

_That gets my attention. I lift my head off his shoulder and look at him to get an idea of where he is emotionally. And as soon as I see his face, it's obvious that this is one of those really special reckless moments where friends become lovers. Our faces are already close together because my head was on his shoulder. He sits very still, perfectly frozen as I hesitate, looking into his eyes, then slowly bring my lips to his. I close my eyes and hope all of the way through that first real expression of my feelings for him that he doesn't reject it. But it's too late to take it back. Now he knows what I've been aching to tell him all of this time._

_And now, I'm dying inside to hear that this is Byakuya's baby growing inside me. I think it is. I feel in my heart that it is. But I still need to go to Kisuke to confirm it. And then I'll come clean. I'll tell him everything. And I'll hope like hell that after that…_

"Renji…"

_I'm scared when I hear the uncertainty in his voice. I pull away and look into his eyes again._

"Thank you, Byakuya," _I say sincerely, _"I'm sorry if I just offended you. I know you were still unsure about…well…where you are love-wise. I don't want to confuse things. I just…really appreciate what you did for me. I just…reacted. I hope it wasn't wrong."

_Looking at him, I get the sudden feeling that I've missed something important. Because he looks tormented. Shit, now I've done it! I must have pushed him at the wrong time._

"Captain, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I told you I just reacted. I didn't mean to upset you."

_He takes a long slow breath and looks down for a moment, then he looks back at me and says something that nearly shocks me to tears._

"It was wrong," _he agrees,_ "because you have such feelings for someone who assaulted you."

_Everything inside me freezes and I can't move or even breathe for a moment. And while my head is spinning, he goes on._

"I remembered a few things from the night you tended me," _he confesses, his voice barely above a whisper,_ "I remember binding you…and…"

_He closes his eyes._

"I remember…being…inside you."

_There's no way I'm going to let him go on thinking that…_

"If you remember any of that, then you also have to remember that I cooperated willingly."

"Yes," _he agrees_, "but only because you knew what would happen if you didn't. You knew that drug would destroy my mind. You let me do…that…so that I wouldn't lose my mind."

_I shake my head and start to tell him, but as the words are rising to my lips, the door opens and Captain Soi fon walks in, flanked by a couple of her secret mobile corps officers and a guy who I know I've seen before. Oddly, Byakuya doesn't look surprised at all to see them. He looks up at her quietly and waits._

"Captain Kuchiki, I have been ordered by the head captain to remove you to the Repentance Center to begin your sentence for defying orders and initiating an attack and rescue mission without authorization. Captain Unohana says that Vice Captain Abarai is out of danger, and the agreement was…"

"That as soon as Renji was out of danger, I would report to the Repentance Center, where I will serve thirty days detention, the sealing away of my powers and no visitors except on clan business. I understand."

"What?" _I gasp, making Soi fon frown and glare at me,_ "They're throwing him in THAT PLACE for saving me? What the fuck is WRONG with you people!"

"Renji," _Byakuya says firmly,_ "Don't make a fuss."

"Don't make fuss?" _I yell, rolling to my feet_, "You just want me to stand here and let them lock you up? For SAVING me? NO! It's not happening! It's not!"

_I know it's complete stupidity, but I place myself between them._

"He's not going anywhere with you!" _I yell at Soi fon, completely forgetting for a moment that she is a superior officer._

_I can see she's ready to hit me, but Byakuya is faster. I don't even feel what it is he does, but suddenly, I'm collapsing into his arms and unable to resist, or even talk._

"N-no!" _I manage to pant as I'm put back in bed._

_Byakuya leans over me for a moment and his eyes meet mine bracingly._

"Rest, Abarai. And when you are released, see to what we discussed."

"B-but…"

_I can't finish. And he's turning away. He leaves me sputtering and joins the second division captain. I'm just thankful she doesn't insist on binding his hands as she leads him out the door. I'm in such fits, I don't realize right away that I haven't been left alone. The man from before is standing near the door, studying me with curious dark blue eyes. I realize then why I know him._

_He's one of them…one of the Kuchiki elders…_

_He steps forward and sits down beside the bed, his eyes on mine._

"I kn-know you," _I tell him._

_He nods briefly and gives me a slight smile. He may be a Kuchiki elder, but I know right away that this guy is different. He reminds me a lot of Byakuya. He's about the same height and has the same pale skin, flowing black hair and delicate body structure. His eyes are dark blue instead of gray, but they are wide and a little gentler looking than my captain's. He has lips that are closer to smiling than Byakuya's and he manages to look youthful, but wise at the same time._

"I am Tetsuya Kuchiki," _he tells me_, "I am Lord Byakuya's cousin and the head councilor of the Kuchiki council of elders."

_I would have been polite and offered a hand in greeting, but whatever Byakuya did to me is still making it hard for me to move._

"You…aren't going to…let them put him in that place, are you?"

_He sighs and I can see he's not happy about the situation._

"Lord Byakuya confessed his crimes directly to the head captain and accepted punishment readily…without the knowledge or recommendation of the elders. So…there is nothing we can do. It is a military matter, and in most cases, we defer to them, except where it interferes with our royal privilege."

"So, if Captain had objected, you would have stopped this?"

_He frowns and nods._

"I'm sure you understand by now that my cousin has a strong sense of honor. He gave his word not to disobey the law, and because he broke the law to see to your rescue, he felt duty-bound to then serve his punishment."

_He stops for a moment, and a smile touches his lips._

"As much as we find his incarceration disturbing, we do see his point."

"But he shouldn't be locked up for coming to save me," _I say, shaking my head,_ "It just isn't right!"

"Perhaps not," _he says, still smiling in a very disarming way._

_I'm really starting to like this guy…_

"But Lord Byakuya feels it is best to submit quietly. And he feels it is best for you to rest and recover. He has asked me to see to your protection…because you are carrying his heir."

"R-right," _I say, suddenly feeling nervous._

_I mean, Byakuya acted like he didn't think I was really having his kid…like it was a lie that would eventually be uncovered. Yet, minutes later, he admitted he remembered some of our night together. I wonder why, then, he doesn't think that the baby is his?_

_Suddenly, I'm really confused and I know I really need to do something about all of this._

"Ah…look, um…"

_I don't know what to even call this guy. Head Councilor? Mr. Kuchiki? Shit…_

"Call me Tetsuya," _he says, prompting me._

_He wants me to be so informal?_

"Okay, um, Tetsuya. I'm feeling a little sick. Do you mind asking Hanatarou to come?"

_I feel like a real asshole deceiving him, but I need to get out of here. I have to get to Kisuke and get some answers, and then I have to see Byakuya._

"Of course. I'll be back in a moment."

_I shift around and am pretty damned relieved to find that whatever Byakuya did to me is wearing off and I can stand. I walk to the door and peek out, only to find there are second division guards at my door. It chills me to think about why. I wonder if they think I did something wrong. In any case, I go back to my window, open it and climb out onto the ledge. I'm really thankful to find my flash step works. I drop to the ground and start towards the central senkaimon. I'm almost there, when I am grabbed from behind and forced into the shadows._

"Really, Renji Abarai," _Tetsuya's voice says reprovingly_, "Do you honestly think that if the secret mobile corps is guarding your door, that they are just going to let you walk through the central senkaimon and be on your way?"

_He shakes his head and sighs._

"Y-you…you mean, those guys were guarding me so that I couldn't leave? Why?"

"Think, Renji," _he says, shaking his head again,_ "You were retaken from Las Noches and you were unconscious until recently. They were planning to question you. However, my cousin is of the opinion that they should let you recover. In the interest of seeing that you do, I will deliver you to Karakura Town by way of the Kuchiki Family senkaimon. They won't know you've left the Seireitei. But you must promise to rest…and not to go anywhere without me after that. Will you promise? Or should I drag you back to those second division guards now?"

_Yeah…I really like Tetsuya. There's something very unKuchiki-like about him. And it's clear that Byakuya trusts him, so I trust him too._

"Okay,"_ I tell him, nodding_, "I will rest in Karakura Town and I won't take off without you, then."

"Good choice," _he says, smiling at me and opening the senkaimon._


	11. The Waiting

**Chapter 11: The Waiting**

_I always feel a little bit annoyed when I go to Kisuke's shop. I mean, the guy's a freaking genius and always glad to help a guy out. When I was newer to the living world, he sure was a big help with making sure I dressed okay for the surroundings, had a way home, or to Hueco Mundo or wherever I needed to go, that I had all of the candy a guy could eat and that if I needed something for a mission, it would be there._

_But…that damned kid…_

_Okay, I know in my head that he doesn't really hate my guts. But Jinta likes to be a shit disturber and he's always pushing my buttons…and once he starts up, the others all start in too. I'm the guy that everyone loves to kick around. It's in a joking kind of way, but there are time I wish they'd leave off and find another victim._

_Within a few seconds of entering the shop this time, I'm convinced I was totally wrong in that opinion. As soon as his eyes find me, he gives a howl of dismay and he run and throws himself against my leg, sobbing piteously. Ururu doesn't make any noise, but tears break out on her face and she sniffs a few times._

"M-moocher!"_ sobs Jinta, hugging my leg so hard it hurts._

"We were so worried!" _adds Ururu, wiping her eyes and looking up at me shyly._

_The one I'm not expecting is Tessai. He grabs the parts of me that Jinta's not crushing and finishes the job, leaving me breathless and dizzy as hell._

"Vice Captain Abarai!" _he cries_, "We only just received word of your rescue! You must still be in shock. I will send for Orihime Inoue to heal you!"

_I start to tell him not to, but then I feel the press of Zabimaru's tooth in my pocket and think better of it. Maybe…_

_I notice that they're looking more closely at me. They don't say anything right away, but instead exchange greetings with Tetsuya. We're just at the end of that when Kisuke comes through the door with Ichigo and Rukia beside him. Rukia freezes for a moment and gives me that sweet, worshipping, lit up look that she usually saves for Byakuya…not that he ever acknowledges it. But I can't help but notice as she flash steps to me and nearly drags me off my feet. She's laughing and crying and hugging and then hitting me for scaring her so bad. She's shaking all over, so I let her finish freaking out, then wrap my arms around her and hug her tightly to let her know I'm okay. I feel another arm wrap around me and find myself hugging Ichigo. He doesn't say much, but his eyes tell me just how worried he was._

"You okay?" _he asks._

_I nod and smile as Rukia continues to lean against me, crying more softly now. It's a while before she lifts her head and starts talking normally, but when she does, she says what's obviously on everyone's mind._

"Renji, what happened to your tattoos?"

_I let out a little bit of breath._

"It's a long story,"_ I tell her, _"But don't worry. I think that they will come back, but Zabimaru needs healing. That's part of the reason I'm here."

_I take the metal tooth out of my pocket and hand it to a curious Kisuke. He gives it a good once over and glances back at me._

"So…Zabimaru lost a fang?" _he asks._

_I shake my head._

"It's more like that fang lost Zabimaru," _I tell him, _"That's all that was left of him after Aizen destroyed the rest."

_Rukia's face goes pale and the room goes silent._

"I'm hoping that he can be healed," _I tell them, _"Once he is, then my tattoos should return. It's just that he was broken and most of him was destroyed by Aizen when he was trying to get information out of me…oh, and when Captain came and broke me out of there."

"What? Byakuya?" _asks Kisuke, stunned, _"Renji, we told him that if he needed any help, we would help. He just…?"

"He just made it look like hell and damnation was coming down on the place and busted in and grabbed me," _I explain, _"As we left, Aizen destroyed what was left of Zabimaru. But Captain had recovered a piece of him after the attack and, luckily, he kept it."

"That is lucky," _Kisuke agrees, _"Okay, as soon as Orihime arrives, we can have her take a look at your zanpakutou and you. But…I guess there's more?"

_I let him know there is, but get across the point that I don't want to discuss it in front of the kids. So Kisuke changes the subject and we eat dinner, then he sends the kids off to bed. Afterwards, Orihime arrives and settles down with Zabimaru and Kisuke, Tetsuya, Rukia, Ichigo and I meet in Kisuke's sitting room. We gather around and I try to get my thoughts together as everyone waits. I have no fucking idea where to begin. No two ways to slice it…this will be weird!_

"Ah, this actually started before the battle where I was captured. Captain and I were assigned to destroy an outpost where some creepy scientist on Aizen's payroll had set up some horrid experiment with a drug he concocted. It was supposed to have been used on the members of some of the noble clans."

"Well, that's not very nice,"_ mutters Kisuke,_ "I'm sure your captain was real downhearted about having to destroy something like that, ne?"

"Oh, Captain was happy enough to destroy the place before he ever knew the nobles were the main target, but once he did, I thought he might bust something. We moved in to set the charges, but the attack our comrades used to cover up what we were setting up were a little too good. A blast went off near us and as Captain killed the creepy scientist hollow, it jabbed him with the drug."

"Damn," mused Ichigo, "That's not good. What happened?"

_I feel awfully guilty now, but there's nothing for it. I need answers and everyone here is trustworthy, so…_

"Look, you guys cannot tease Captain Kuchiki about this…really. He's probably going to absolutely kill me for telling anyone, but…I really need your help, so guys…please don't tease me about this?"

_They look at each other and then back at me._

_Shit._

_I'm not sure I can do this. I wonder if I shouldn't just tell Kisuke, but I know he'd tell Ichigo. The two have been romantically entangled ever since Kisuke saved his life and helped him gain his shinigami powers so he could go and save Rukia. And what Ichigo knows, Rukia will know. And Tetsuya is Byakuya's relative and a really upstanding guy. I know all that, but I still feel really on edge about this._

"Okay," _agrees Kisuke, _"We're all grown ups here…or something like that. Why don't you just tell us what happened?"

"Okay, but I'll kill you if you make fun of me over it. I swear!" _I tell them._

_I take a breath and just let it out._

"Aizen and his crack-pot scientist created something that acts kinda like a love potion…but it's a lot more creepy than that."

"Wait, Byakuya got shot up with a love potion? Really?" _Kisuke says, biting his lips to keep himself from smiling._

_Ichigo looks surprised but maybe less amused and Rukia looks disgusted._

"So…a love potion," _Kisuke prompts me,_ "What's the creepy part?"

"The creepy part is that if the person who is given the drug doesn't have sex within several hours, the drug attacks their mind and turns it into mush."

"Ouch!"_ says Kisuke._

_Yeah, now he knows why I told them not to laugh. But now, they're all looking at me funny, and I know what they're wondering. I decide not to fuck around._

"Yes…I had sex with my captain."

_You could hear a pin drop. No one knows quite what to say. What the fuck are they going to say anyway? Kisuke and Ichigo are avoiding each other's eyes and Rukia is glaring at me like she wants to kill me. I mean, she knew…and…_

"To keep him from losing his mind," _Kisuke says, trying to look serious._

"Yes. In any case, the drug wasn't just about making noble borns horny. And when Aizen captured me, it wasn't just because I got in between Captain and him. He knew we were going to be sent and knew that if he threatened my captain, I would do anything I had to, to protect him."

"So, he wanted to capture you. Why?" _asks Kisuke_, "Cause you would think that if Byakuya was the one who got drugged, he would be the one to talk to."

"My thoughts exactly,"_ I tell him,_ "but he kept asking me lots of questions about how I was feeling and if I sensed anything about Captain's emotions. It was that, that made me think there's something else going on here."

"Sounds like the one receiving the victim's 'affections' gets more than pleasure, ne?" _Kisuke asks._

_He's all business now. I wonder why that scares me so badly._

"Uh, yeah…in more ways than one."

"Huh?"

"I'm pregnant."

_I thought it would be bad to be teased, but it's so damned quiet now that I can hear the sound of blood rushing in my ears. I start to feel dizzy and sick to my stomach._

"You've been checked out by fourth division?" _he asks._

_I nod and the sick feeling gets worse._

"Hey, uh, Renji…you're looking kinda pale," says Ichigo, "You okay?"

_I bite my lips and try to think about fresh lemons. I don't know why, but it seems soothing._

"I'm okay. Just a little sick to my stomach and dizzy."

"Normal for pregnancy," _Kisuke acknowledges._

_Damn it! He looks way too serious now. If I wasn't going to throw up before, I am now._

"Renji, I have to ask you something. Did you have any time you couldn't account for in Las Noches? Any periods when they knocked you out? Drugged you?"

"Yeah…yeah and no. I was unconscious some of the time."

_I swallow hard and meet his eyes squarely._

"That's why Captain Kuchiki and I decided I should come to you."

"Where is Byakuya?"

"In the Repentance Center. For rescuing me without proper clearance."

"Good old head captain," _Kisuke sighs, _"But I would have thought that he'd use some noble privilege or something to avoid actually having to serve time."

"Our council felt the same," _Tetsuya says, nodding, _"But apparently, Lord Byakuya had his own priorities. He sent me to look after his interests until he is released in thirty days."

"And you want me to examine you and see if Byakuya fathered this baby…or if someone else did, ne?"

"That's about it," _I tell him._

_He nods._

"Okay. I'll just need to get blood and reiatsu samples."

_Oh crap…_

"Yeah, uh, Kisuke, I think I need to…to, ah…"

"Aw, it will just take a sec, Renji. Just hold still."

_Yeah, right. Like that's gonna happen! I get onto my feet and start backing away._

"Don't tell me you're afraid of a little needle!" _Kisuke objects._

"Okay, I won't tell you. Look, can't we just do a reiatsu…"

"Sorry, buddy," _he says apologetically, _"To be conclusive, we need both. Just close your eyes and don't look."

_I hear flash steps and Rukia and Ichigo try to grab at me. Fight or flight kicks in and I choose to shove past Ichigo and get the fuck out of there. I would feel bad about the way I'm acting, but it's like my body is acting on reflex and won't stop. Too bad Ichigo is as fast as me, and he's damned good at hanging on. Then, Tetsuya steps in and does whatever it was that Byakuya did before to incapacitate me._

"What the fuck _was_ that!" _I yell, _"Do all of you damned Kuchikis know how to do this? What? Were your guys once jailors or something?"

"I was a jailor…of sorts," _Kisuke says, moving in close and trying to hide the syringe in his hands._

_Gods, I feel really pathetic throwing up and passing out at the same time, but at least it means I don't have to spend as much time waiting on pins and needles. When I wake up, I am alone in a bed in one of the guest rooms. I can hear soft echoes of voices nearby, but at this point, I don't really give a damn what they're saying. All I can think about is how important these tests are, and what they're likely to mean._

_I'm still considering that when there is a soft tap on the door and Rukia pokes her nose in. She smiles, seeing I am awake and comes to sit down beside the bed. We don't say anything for a while. I can feel that she's reading my mood. And when she's done with that, she moves on to trying to make me feel better._

"You and needles!" _she sighs, shaking her head._

"Yeah…pretty pathetic, I know."

"You threw up right on Kisuke."

_Okay, maybe I shouldn't, but the bastard did just make me bleed…_

_Can't help laughing…_

_Rukia hits me on the arm and climbs onto the bed. She and I sit, leaning against each other and looking out the window._

"So, why were you pissed at me before?"

"Before? Before what?"

"Baka! _Before,_ before…you know! When I said I slept with your brother? _You_ were the one who thought I should make a move, as I recall. What? Did you change your mind?"

"Of course not, Dummy!" _she says, hitting me again, _"I was just angry for a moment thinking that it…it just seemed like it couldn't be real. I know I shouldn't have even thought that, but…"

"But it just seems so 'out there.'"

_I'm suddenly starting to get why Byakuya loves looking at the full moon. It's so damned pretty, hanging and glowing in the night sky. And it has this odd energy that makes me feel wild inside when I look at it. Of course, Byakuya looks at the same thing and it makes him more placid._

_And all of a sudden, I understand why Byakuya and I just work as a couple. Two very different people who love many of the same things for our own unique reasons and in our own unique ways._

"What are you thinking?" _Rukia asks, squeezing my hand._

"I wonder what we'll do, assuming that this little guy or gal is his, you know? I'm a little scared thinking about it. I mean, this kid's noble and I'm not. I don't know that I could even learn to be."

"I did," _she reminds me._

"You weren't having his kid. Maybe it's different. Damn! I hope it doesn't get him in trouble or anything. Rukia…"

"Shut up, Baka," _she says, kissing me on the cheek, _"I am sure that, assuming this baby is Byakuya's, you two will work things out. You've been captain and vice captain for how long without killing each other?"

"We _did_ try, you know…"

"Yeah, I remember."

_She snuggles up to me and I close my eyes, just resting against her and feeling that old comfortable sensation of soul closeness. I'm just really starting to relax, when someone taps on the door. As I get up to answer it, the door opens. For some reason, getting up at that moment, or maybe that way, doesn't agree with me. My legs wobble and collapse beneath me. Someone…Ichigo, I see after a moment, catches me and lets me slide to the floor. And as I look up at Kisuke, he smiles widely._

"Congratulations, Renji,"_ he says happily, _"You are not giving birth to a hollow or traitor. This kid is noble…and most definitely Byakuya's."

_My vision is foggy and I can't move an inch. I manage to smile and then everything goes black for a while. When I wake up again, it's late at night and Rukia has fallen asleep in a chair next to me with her upper body rested on the bed. I carefully lift her and pull her onto the bed, then curl around her. We used to sleep next to each other sometimes in the Rukon, and for some reason, I'm really craving that old closeness. She wakes up a little and chuckles sleepily, then we drift off to sleep and don't move again until morning._

_And still, when we wake up, I have no idea what Byakuya and me are going to do._

_But I know what I'm hoping for._


	12. A Rude Awakening

**Chapter 12: A Rude Awakening**

_I think…that the surest way to give a guy a heart attack, is to wake him out of a sound sleep. Most folks are lucky enough that when this happens, it's a kid who can't sleep, a spouse who wants sex or a friend who's visiting a different time zone and forgot how the times are different, but I'm unlucky enough that my 'wake up call' is comprised of a unit of the secret mobile corps, who have figured out I'm with Kisuke and have decided to take me back for questioning. I have to say that they are really fucking good at what they do. Not Rukia, Sode no Shirayuki, or me are fully awake when they burst in through windows and doors and tell us to hit the floor. I drag Rukia down with me, and fight off the swell of adrenaline that would usually make Zabimaru release without even using my voice._

"Easy there,"_ I tell the unit commander, _"I'm pregnant."

"What?" _he says, scowling down at me._

"You heard me right," _I tell him_, "I'm 'with child,' pregnant, preggers, knocked up, peachy…pick your euphemism…"

_I love using words I learned from Byakuya…_

_But it's fucking lost on this jerk._

"I don't care if you _are_ a feminist. On the ground and don't move! You are under arrest, Renji Abarai!"

"I don't think so,"_ says a calm voice from the doorway._

_I bury my face in the crook of an arm, clearing my throat and trying not to laugh my ass off as Tetsuya Kuchiki pulls rank on the squad two hack. The poor asshole actually backs up a step and stares as Tetsuya's reiatsu flares a nice, pretty blue around him and his hand comes to rest on the hilt of his zanpakutou._

"By the right of royal privilege," _he tells the squad two jerk, _"I claim the right to detain and question this man. You will allow him to return to the Kuchiki Council Hall, where he is to be interviewed for information regarding an injury our clan leader suffered, and he witnessed."

_Unfortunately, as much as this guy fears Tetsuya Kuchiki, he fears Captain Soi fon more (and I can kinda see his point. That girl…woman…ninja is freaking scary.). So he tries to pretend that Tetsuya didn't scare him enough to make him piss his pants, and he glares at all of us._

"Councilor Kuchiki," _he says, his legs shaking, but his face looking pretty darned determined_, "We certainly do not wish to interfere with the right of royal privilege, however, the offense Renji Abarai is suspected of is conspiring to commit espionage!"

"Come again?" _I manage_, "I committed espionage? By getting fucking captured while taking down an enemy that was about to kill my captain? Are you out of your fucking minds?"

"I think what Vice Captain Abarai means to say," _Tetsuya goes on, still looking completely in control_, "is that there is no way in hell that you are going to get away with accusing Renji Abarai of espionage. He was witnessed sacrificing himself in battle to save his captain."

"It was staged."

_Tetsuya flash steps forward so fast, I miss it completely. I'm as stunned as the guy from squad two when I see the guy against the wall and Tetsuya holding him by the throat, and that pretty, low growl comes out of what looks like such a quiet, peaceful person. I changed my mind. He is scarier than Captain Soi fon. Shit, he's almost as scary as Aizen!_

"One does not stage throwing himself in front of the enemy's sword and losing nearly a fifth of his blood. Do not dare to disrespect this man in front of me. Lord Kuchiki has ordered me to see that his vice captain arrives at the Kuchiki Council Hall today, and that is exactly what I am going to do. If you do not desist, I will reduce you to a senseless lump on the floor of this room. Now, take your band of idiots and get out of this place. And tell your captain that if she wants to apprehend Renji Abarai, she will need to go through proper channels and have the head captain seek a royal order for his arrest. Otherwise, the Gotei 13 does not have jurisdiction."

_Gods…if I wasn't already in love with Byakuya…_

_Tetsuya, Rukia and I watch the squad two guys leave, then Tetsuya turns to us._

"We need to go," _he tells us._

"But I thought you said…"

"And it was true. However, I am not naïve enough to think they'll back off and that will be the end of it. Captain Soi fon will be here in a matter of minutes. Come Renji."

"I'll stall her," _Rukia offers as Tetsuya opens a family senkaimon._

"Arigato," _Tetsuya says, stepping into the senkaimon and motioning for me to follow,_ "Do be cautious, however. Captain Soi fon is quite tenacious."

"I can handle her," _Rukia says, getting that old Inuzuri street rat spark in her eye._

_Captain Soi fon had better watch out. She may have more power and savage hakudo, but Rukia is damned smart. I want to stay and watch them have it out, but Tetsuya nudges me along as the flash steps sound and the senkaimon closes between Soi fon and us. _

"Shit," _I mutter, belatedly realizing that I'm in a sleeping yukata and Zabimaru is still at Kisuke's being healed._

Tetsuya smiles.

"Not to worry, Renji, we will stop at Kuchiki Manor to allow you to freshen up before going to council to legitimate your child officially."

_He slows to a walk, relaxing now that the pursuit has been left behind. It's so odd knowing how friendly, calm and quiet this guy is…and how frightening he can be when he gets pissed. I get why he's head councilor. Byakuya couldn't have a more loyal and determined person backing him._

_I'm thinking that if Byakua can't be here, there's no one I'd rather have with me. I'm thinking that…and then all of a sudden all hell begins to break loose around us. All around us, we hear hollow sonido and on all sides of us, the hollows appear to block the way. And before I can finish taking a surprised breath, Tetsuya breathes a command, and all of a sudden, copies of him appear all around us. And while I'm trying to figure out which one is him, an arm wraps around me and drags me off my feet. We're through the circle of hollows in a flash step, then Tetsuya puts me down and yells at me to run for it. It's then that I find that I've recovered my flash step. I manage to remain on Tetsuya's heels as he turns a corner and more hollows appear._

"Damn it!" _he hisses, firing a blast of kido that splits the pack of hollows so we can run through._

_We run down a long passageway, then turn into a shorter one that branches off in several places. Hollows burst out of several of them and he drags me into an empty one. We run to the end and turn a corner, then find ourselves facing down the cleaner._

_Now, being pregnant, I'm more likely to piss my pants anyway, but pregnant or no, it's enough to make you lose a quart of blood when you find yourself face to face with the cleaner. That thing is so big…and it makes the passageway shake around us. Tetsuya goes white in the face as the light from the cleaner makes our faces glow oddly. The roar becomes deafening as I freeze in my tracks and stare. Tetsuya practically takes me off my feet, dragging me into a run in the other directions._

"But, the hollows!" _I yell._

"Better to fight the hollows than to be swept up by that thing!" _he yells back, "_Move, Abarai!"

_I don't make him ask twice. I hear his zanpakutou slide free, the rising howls of hollows and the roar of the cleaner behind us. A few get close and I develop a whole new appreciation for this Kuchiki cousin as a sweep of his sword takes out the first bunch of hollows and creates an opening for us. I test my powers with a simple kido spell and find I've got some power, so I send off a volley of kido and follow Tetsuya in a dead run. I haven't got any idea where we are or where we'll come out now. All I know is the sounds of the hollows and the roar of the cleaner. If either one catches us, we're two dead shinigamis._

"This way," _Tetsuya pants, yanking me down a passage that I didn't even see._

_I sigh in relief as the sound of the cleaner fades into the distance and the noises from the hollows die away. We slow and move through several more turns, until Tetsuya is sure that we have eluded the hollows. He motions for me to stop and looks me over to make sure I'm all right._

"I'm fine, really. Thanks,"_ I tell him, and he nods and looks relieved._

_As he turns away, I notice something protruding from the flesh of his right shoulder in the back. I move closer and yank it out, then stare for a moment. Tetsuya frowns and looks too. And I can't believe my fucking eyes._

_A dart…_

_One of the hollows hit him with a dart. And I'm betting it's not simple poison. I'd bet the whole damned farm on that._

"Well…" _he says, frowning, _"This is definitely not good."

_But he doesn't panic, which is more than I can say for me. I know what sick fucks those guys can be. I've just spent three months as Aizen's personal guest. I doubt there are many people as well acquainted with Aizen's bad side as I am. And now one of his lackeys just hit Byakuya's cousin with a load of kami knows what. I don't know about Tetsuya, but I know I would flip out. But then, he probably doesn't know about the drug…_

_And then, I get a worse thought. What if it's poison?_

_Tetsuya doesn't even miss a beat. He whispers to his zanpakutou immediately, then looks at me._

"It wasn't a normal poison,"_ he tells me, _"But Re-kuhime will dilute whatever it is so that we can reach safety. Come, we must hurry. She can only give me three infusions before that drug will take effect."

_Kami, I hope it's not the drug I think it is…_

_I follow Tetsuya as he leads me to an exit. He opens it and we step out of the precipice world and are surprised as hell to find ourselves touching down on cold sand. My blood freezes in my veins and my heart pounds as the scene around us clears and we find ourselves face to face with Sousuke fucking Aizen! Gods! I hate that guy._

_He stands very still in front of us, studying the two of us quietly. Tetsuya nudges me back behind him, knowing my returning kido will be about as useful as a baby's rattle. I place my hands where Aizen can't see and start to build up power. He's busy sizing up Tetsuya, who looks him in the eyes and stands fast, his sword ready._

"Sousuke Aizen_," he says softly._

"It's been a long time…Tetsuya Kuchiki_," Aizen says, in a way that makes me think these two have definitely met before._

_They've definitely met before…and not in a friendly way. Tetsuya's reiatsu burns brightly around him and his eyes glow blue with rising power._

"What's wrong?" _says Aizen, smiling at him, _"You act as though I am going to attack you. I won't do that, Tetsuya. I sensed that you were here with Renji and I just wanted to talk to you. It's been such a long time since…"

"What?" _Byakuya's cousin says, staring, "_What are you about? Why are you interfering with us?"

"Hmmm…" _says Aizen, _"Those are good questions. But then you have always been good at asking the right sorts of questions. In fact, you were so good at being curious and asking questions, you threatened to undo my plans before."

_He pauses for a moment, and then steps forward. I'm wondering why Tetsuya is letting him get so close…why his sword is out, but it isn't raised. I wonder if it's hypnosis, or that he's stunned. But his next words both shock the shit out of me and leave me feeling damned cold inside._

"And it was good that I did, Sousuke Aizen. If I had not, I might have given in to you. And had I given in to you, you would have tried to use me against my own cousin!"

_Aizen's smile gets oddly sad._

"Truly, Tetsuya. You think me so cold? You think that I was only interested in conquering you to get to your cousin? You cut me to the heart!"

"As though you actually had one!" _Tetsuya says, pain rising in his voice, _"I trusted you. I was your friend, and we were a heartbeat away from more."

_I'm telling you, the look in Aizen's eyes is just creepy, because he actually looks like he sincerely feels something for Byakuya's cousin. But Tetsuya isn't buying it. And as Aizen continues to try to work his emotions, I feel his power building. I'm sure Aizen feels it too._

"I remember," _Aizen says, reaching out and lightly touching Tetsuya's face._

_I feel like I need to scream at him, shake him, warn him not to fall for it. But Aizen's power has frozen me in place. I can't move. I can't speak. I can only stare as Aizen closes in and wraps his arms around Tetsuya. The blue eyes go hazy and confused as Aizen's lips touch his gently. I can see Tetsuya's body shiver as Aizen's hand covers his and sets his weapon back in its sheath._

"I miss you, Tetsuya," _he breathes against Tetsuya's lips, _"I had so hoped that when we left for Las Noches, you would be at my side. So lovely…so very beautiful…but your suspicions. Your lack of trust undid us."

"You were using me," _Tetsuya says in a low voice, _"I would have loved you sincerely, but you only wanted me to defect with you because it would have hurt my family! It's why you used Rukia too! Do you think I'm blind? Stupid?"

_Tetsuya's eyelids flutter and he inhales sharply as Aizen's fingers move through his hair._

"I don't think you are either stupid or blind. And what I feel for you is sincere. I want you here with me…to stay at Las Noches. I will do no harm to you, but will only ask that you agree to hear me out. Listen to what I have to say and give some consideration to remaining there with me."

_He leans forward to kiss Tetsuya again and I feel the sudden rise of reiatsu that tells me to get clear. I hit the ground behind him as he sends a kido blast at Aizen, throwing him back and giving us room to run. He opens a doorway and we run back into the precipice world. He doesn't say anything, but just runs alongside me, his eyes angry, hurt…tormented._

_And I have to feel for him. I mean, how bad does it have to feel to have fallen in love with Sousuke Aizen and then have stood back and watch him betray everyone? I'm sure I don't want to know. But Tetsuya's face gives me a lesson. And as we reach the doorway back into the Seireitei and pass through, he stops and shivers hard, closing his eyes and clenching his fists for a moment._

"Come Renji,"_ he says in a clipped tone, _"We must get to the council hall. He cannot reach us if we surround ourselves with the other councilors."

_We start to walk forward, then suddenly, the scene around us shifts and we are back in the desert._

_Damn…it was an illusion._

_Aizen appears in front of us and smiles._

"That was a wonderful maneuver, Tetsuya," _he says softly, _"Unfortunately, as you can see, I can counter whatever you can send in my direction. Now, I know that you were injured by a dart. I know because when I sensed you were with Renji, I sent them. I figured that I would capture two birds with the same snare."

"There is just one problem with that," _Tetsuya says, his lips curling._

"Oh?" _says Aizen, looking curious._

"No cage you devise will ever hold me, Sousuke Aizen!"

_It's then that I notice that his hand is wrapped around Aizen's blade. And faster than Aizen can manage another surprised breath, Tetsuya and I seem to have left our bodies behind. I look down and start to freak out as I realize that our bodies have lost their solidity and now look like they're freaking made of water._

"What?" _I yell as we run_, "Tetsuya!"

"Just keep running!" _he snaps, whispering to his zanpakutou, _"I've concealed our reiatsu and gotten us clear, but we have to run for the shinigami base. At least we know this isn't another illusion."

"But…how did we get away? What the hell happened to our bodies?"

_I look down and see that my body looks normal again. We fall into a comfortable pace and flash step across the dark sand._

"My zanpakutou enables me and an ally to take on the properties of water in a contained form. It gave us time to escape, then a second command made our solid forms return to us and left him with two puddles of water."

_I have to say, I'm impressed._

"But how do you know it's not just an illusion? How do you know we really escaped?"

_The smile he gives me is kind of sad…nostalgic almost._

"When Sousuke and I were training together, I once took hold of his blade and saw an odd reaction in his eyes. So I learned that it helped me to see through his illusions to do that."

_We get quiet then, because we may have escaped Aizen, but we still have a couple of major problems…problem number one being that we're in enemy territory and miles from the base. Secondly, Aizen probably knows we're headed for it, and finally, Tetsuya Kuchiki has probably been given the same drug Byakuya was._

_And as much as Tetsuya is a really, really attractive guy, I don't think either one of us is hot to spend a night in some cave here having sex. _

_After a few hours, he starts to look uncomfortable. He's sweating and looks a little dizzy. He gives me a sidelong glance and touches his zanpakutou._

"Give me the second infusion," _he says to the sword._

_His eyes take on a relieved look and he starts to seem more comfortable. But we both know it's only a temporary fix. So, I tell him then about what happened with Byakuya and me. And again, I'm surprised, because hearing something like that would make me flip out. But Tetsuya just listens and nods calmly._

"We actually knew he was up to something along those lines," _he explains, _"But we didn't know exactly how it worked. We knew it had to do with causing pregnancy, but then you mentioned also that Aizen was asking you about whether or not you were sensing things about Lord Byakuya's moods and thoughts. And you have told me you could sense things when he wasn't with you. Then…when the second division burst in and accused you of espionage, I wondered why. But it makes sense now."

"It does?"

"Think about it, Renji. He has a drug he can use to cause intense need to have sex. And the sexual partner is then impregnated and starts to connect with the noble's thoughts and emotions. If Aizen could manipulate the person the noble impregnated, it could amount to espionage, because the one he sent to be with the noble would become pregnant and the noble would be compelled to care for the child, as our rules strongly protect noble progeny. The one Aizen sent would then be able to monitor the thoughts of the affected noble…giving him inside information that could be used against the clan."

"That is just…sick,"_ I say, feeling so disgusted, my stomach gets queasy again._

_Tetsuya flinches, and I feel a twinge of sympathy. Aizen really did a number on this guy._

_He's really quiet as we continue walking. I can tell he doesn't usually get depressed often, but he's that way now. We go as far as we can, then have to stop when a sandstorm fires up around us. By the time it clears, we've had a little rest and we walk on._

_But I can see he's starting to get uncomfortable again. And we're still a ways short of the base when he stops me and takes the last infusion. He doesn't say anything, but we both understand what's happening. We're not going to make it to the base in time. We get tantalizingly close, but it starts to affect him, and he stops me again._

"I apologize, Renji_," he says_, "but I cannot continue with you. I am going to remain here, concealed in a reaitsu cage. You must reach the shinigami base on your own. They will arrest you, but if you give them this crest, they must allow you to see Byakuya. He can then call on the clan to send someone to…"

"Tetsuya," _I say, shaking my head_, "You'll be gone by then! I'm not going to leave you here like this."

"I will not allow myself to harm you, Renji. And I will be unable to prevent it if we go much farther."

_He starts to say more, but hollow sonido begins to sound around us again. I just have a moment to register that Aizen and a group of hollows has found us, then I find myself in that water form we used before and I hear Tetsuya hiss at me to run. I run like hell and manage to get clear, but when I slow again, I realize he's not with me._

_So I turn for the shinigami base, holding the crest he gave me and flash stepping like hell._

_Damned Kuchikis…_

_I hope we can get to him before…_

_Then I figure out why Tetsuya acted as he did, and I realize how smart he actually is. Because it is the noble who does the impregnating under the influence of this drug. And Aizen won't want to get knocked up, so he won't sleep with Tetsuya. And he has feelings for the guy, so he probably won't let anyone else have him either. If Aizen has some kind of way of stopping this drug, he will use it on Tetsuya, then just keep him in Las Noches while he tries to work on his emotions. And that will buy me the time I need to get to Byakuya and make a plan to get Tetsuya back._

_But there are so many things that could go wrong, it scares the shit out of me. So I put everything into flash steps and run for that base as fast as I can._


	13. The Demon's Angel

**Chapter 13: The Demon's Angel**

_I knew that nobility came with some benefits, but I never realized how handy they would come in! No sooner do I set foot in the Repentance Center and show the Kuchiki Family Crest Tetsuya gave me than I'm being led up the long stairway and into the Repentance Cell where Byakuya is serving his time. He looks good…damned sexy, really, dressed in a white yukata with a red collar at his throat, holding back his power. He's sitting on his bed, gazing out at the sunset as I enter the room. He doesn't turn right away, probably because his lack of powers means that he can't sense me coming to him. When I enter his cell and he does see me, his eyes go wide and questioning._

"Renji, what are you doing here? Where is Tetsuya?"_ he asks quickly._

_I know better than to waste time getting to the point._

"Aizen has him. He got to us while we were trying to outrun the squad two morons who were after us, all hot to question me."

_He furrows his brow so cutely, I feel like I might melt._

"They want to question you? Did they give a reason why?" _he asks._

"They think that the drug they gave you didn't just get you to make me pregnant. They think it opened some kind of connection between our minds so I could sense your thoughts and emotions and then Aizen could use me to get information he wanted."

"It sounds far-fetched," _he says, shaking his head_, "but I will admit that I have been having flashes of odd visions…as though I was seeing through someone else's eyes. Have you also been experiencing such things?"

"Yeah, sometimes," _I admit_, "And it seems like it's getting stronger. I've even been sensing things with you locked up in here."

"So it is not a reiatsu based reaction, but an internal connection," _he says, looking disturbed_, "If it was reiatsu based, then it could not penetrate the walls of this place. That it can suggests something much deeper…and much more dangerous."

_He gets quiet for a moment, then nods and looks back at me._

"You say that he has Tetsuya?" _he asks, and I can see the thoughts spinning in his head,_ "He could, perhaps, use my cousin in this way?"

"I don't know," _I admit_, "But something tells me he can't…or won't."

"Oh?"

"Captain, Tetsuya was hit with a dart that had that drug on it as we tried to escape, and in the end, he allowed Aizen to capture him so that I could get away and find you. I think I know why."

_He looks at me with curiosity in his eyes, then I see sudden understanding._

"It is the noble who impregnates the non-noble," _he says, nodding._

"And I don't know about you," _I say, grinning,_ "but I can't imagine Sousuke Aizen bottoming for anyone, not even your pretty cousin."

_He gives me a stern look that makes me feel like I suddenly need to pee. Then he smirks._

"Do I take that to mean that you are interested in my cousin?" _he asks meaningfully._

_Then, he gives me a startled look._

"It is the noble…who…" _he says, looking intently into my eyes_, "Then…you are having…?"

"It's yours," _I tell him, wearing a smile that's got to tell him everything I'm feeling_, "Kisuke confirmed it."

_I've never seen him wear an expression like the one he's wearing now. For just a moment, everything else disappears and it's just us…sitting here in the Repentance Cell, staring into each other's eyes and knowing finally what each of us feared saying before._

"Renji," he says softly, "Are you…sure this is all right with you? I mean, the way this baby came to be…"

"I don't care," _I tell him, moving in close and sliding my arms around him_, "All I care about is that I love you, Byakuya Kuchiki. I love you…and I am having your baby. And all I'm hoping is that you can love me back."

_I don't remember ever seeing Byakuya Kuchiki speechless before…quiet and reserved, but not wide-eyed and unable to speak at all. He looks beautiful that way, his eyes searching my face to be sure he really heard what he thinks he did. Because how can I…a Rukon rat he stole Rukia from, a guy who once wanted nothing more than to defeat him in battle…love him? How could I forget how he took the woman who was like a sister to me, out of my life for forty years and almost let her be executed?_

"You…are in love with me?" _he repeats, as though slowly letting himself adjust to the words_.

"Yeah," _I tell him, feeling a wave of dizziness pass over me and really not giving a shit at all,_ "I love you…and I am glad this baby is yours."

"Of course you are," _he says wryly_, "Imagine if it was…"

"No," I repeat, "No qualifiers, no ifs, ands or buts. Byakuya Kuchiki, I love you and I am proud to be having your baby."

_Everything else falls away for a moment and he looks at me with relief and gratitude, with genuine affection. He leans into my embrace and very slowly, brings his lips to mine. I freeze like that, holding him in my arms, with our lips pressed together and barely moving. It's like just for that moment, we've invaded a corner of heaven. We know that the moment has to end and reality has to come back and bite us where it hurts, but for just the moment, we are together and looking into each other's eyes like nothing else exists. I'm so happy I could bust, have to pee so bad I'll burst and I'm so dizzy I can barely see straight, but I hold it together and we spend a few golden minutes kissing and holding each other. But all too soon, we are reminded that there is someone else to think about, someone who unselfishly placed himself in Aizen's path so that I could get free. So we extract ourselves from each other, clear our throats and get down to business._

"Captain,"_ I go on_, "We have to do something to help Tetsuya."

_He nods, then freezes me with a glance._

"Renji," _he says quietly_, "You just confessed to being in love with me…and you are having my baby. You must call me by my name."

"Byakuya," _I say, trying out the name_, "We have to help Tetsuya."

_He gives me a surprisingly confident nod that tells me that he has got something in mind._

"Do you have a plan?" _I ask._

_Byakuya smiles briefly._

"I agree that we need to help him, and we will. But before we can, we need information. We need to know where Tetsuya is being held, under what conditions and we must devise a way to reach him without Aizen getting his hands on us."

"Do you mean we have to do some Reconaissance?" _I ask_, "Because I can't see the head captain authorizing this. Aren't we already in enough trouble as it is?"

"We are in trouble, yes," _he admits_, "But we won't have to infiltrate Las Noches this time."

"You have another way?"_ I ask, hope welling up inside of me that we can avoid going to that place again._

"Yes," _he explains_, "You see, Tetsuya is our head councilor…and all Kuchiki councilors share a special internal bond with the clan leader. We are capable of opening our hearts to each other, so that we can sense each other and sometimes see through each other's eyes. And because Aizen's drug opened your mind to me, and mine to you, I believe I can help you to 'see' as well."

"But don't we have to get out of here first?" _I ask_.

"Actually, no," _he tells me_, "Because, as I was telling you when we were talking about Aizen's drug, some internal abilities like this do not require reiatsu, and so are not affected by being in this place. But let us try, to make sure it will work properly."

_I sit down on the bed with him and he takes my hands._

"Close your eyes," _he tells me_, "Focus on my cousin's reiatsu. We should begin to see within a few minutes."

_I love the warmth of his hands touching mine, and I'm so focused in that, I almost miss when I feel a sudden shift in my internal world…and all of a sudden, I am seeing through another person's eyes. I know I'm not really in Las Noches, but that place gives me the creeps even so…and Tetsuya's there, which makes me feel a little sick thinking about what we might see._

_He blinks and the blur in front of his eyes begins to clear. I quiver a little when he looks up and meets Aizen's eyes, but Tetsuya is not intimidated. He stares back at Aizen, his reiatsu flaring and sparking._

"Tetsuya," _Aizen says in an affectionate tone,_ "You don't know how often I've thought of you, and how often I've wished you were here. I know that things ended badly for us, but I want to believe that there is hope."

"Sousuke Aizen," _Tetsuya says, sitting up in the bed and glaring at him,_ "The only hope I feel inside…is the hope that you die for what you have done! You didn't just try to use me. You committed cold-blooded murder, killing the councilors of Central 46 using stealth. They never had a chance to defend themselves."

"Their deaths were necessary for the overthrow of the old regime," _Aizen tells him_, "And if you know I killed them using stealth, then you know also that they did not suffer. They were mercifully dead before they hit the floor."

"Is that supposed to somehow make it better?" _Tetsuya asks angrily_, "because it doesn't. You are a liar and a murdering bastard. I can never look at you the same way!"

"Oh, come now, Tetsuya," _Aizen says, tilting his head and touching Tetsuya's face, making him lean away_, "You know they had it coming."

"What?"

"Remember," _he goes on, his eyes narrowing_, "Those councilors were all nobles…some of them Kuchikis."

"And your point is…?"

"Oh, let's play games. Tetsuya…I was there. I saw how they treated you. You know, don't you…that part of what made me do all of this, is what they did to you."

_There is real torment in Tetsuya's voice when he answers._

"I hope that is not true," _he says in an affected tone_, "Sousuke, no one deserves that."

_Aizen moves closer, staring at him._

"How can you say that?" _he asks softly_, "Have you forgotten what they did to you? Have you, Tetsuya, my half breed lover?"

"I am not your lover, nor was I ever, nor will I ever lower myself to be! I did once love you. I was stupid…young…naïve. But I learned from you, Sousuke. I learned to never trust anyone with my heart. So you have that solace. I will never love again!"

_Aizen is quiet for a moment._

"So…is that supposed to appease me?" _he asks_, "Is it supposed to satisfy me? Knowing that neither of us will ever give our hearts to another?"

_Tetsuya turns his head to look out the window at the swirling sand. His voice sounds distant, empty when he speaks again._

"Do you expect me to believe that you are going to pine away because I refuse to love you? I only wish you would!"

"That's very uncharitable, Tetsuya, but actually, I am not so emotional as that. It is simply that you were the only person I have ever met, whose word I could trust…whose lips never knew how to lie."

_Tetsuya freezes in place as Aizen moves closer. He reaches out slowly and touches Tetsuya's lips gently with his fingers. Then, infuriatingly, Tetsuya is so spellbound that he doesn't move as Aizen closes in and brings their lips together. They exchange several deep, slow open-mouthed kisses and he lowers Tetsuya onto his back and leans over him. Tetsuya realizes what is happening as Aizen's hand releases the tie on his yukata, and he sits up and pulls away. I can hear the tears in his voice when he speaks to Aizen again._

"How could you do that to me? Sousuke…I loved you! I loved the gentle, kind captain of squad five…the one who had an appreciation for books and poetry, art and history. We spent hours talking about all of those things, sharing our love for them, binding our hearts together, but you weren't that person at all! Everything I knew about you was a lie!"

"No," _insists Aizen, touching Tetsuya's face and making me want to destroy him, even more than I did before,_ "Tetsuya, I wasn't so different from that. The things I showed you were genuine, and I never lied to you about my feelings for you. I do love you, even now…"

"And what difference does that make?" _Tetsuya asks, the hurt plain in his voice_, "It doesn't even matter if you weren't lying about those other things, you were holding me in your arms, kissing me, making promises to me…that you never intended to keep. You made a fool of me, Sousuke. I will never let myself forget how that felt."

_He stares at Aizen and his eyes suddenly fill with worry._

"What is wrong?" _asks Aizen_.

"You…you brought me here to use your powers on me…to make me love you? You would…force me?"

_The way his voice shakes makes me terrified for him, and I'm ready to jump out of my skin. I can see that Byakuya feels the same._

"No,"_ Aizen says, his voice strangely nostalgic_, "When you come to me, Tetsuya, I want you to do so of your own free will. So…I will not allow you to be harmed while you are here, and I will not seal your powers away. I will only do this."

_He takes a silver band and places it on Tetsuya's wrist, locking it into place with a kido spell._

"This charm will bring you back to Las Noches if you try to leave. I will not seal your powers away or harm you. I will not take advantage of you. We will sleep in the same bed, but I will not do anything more than kissing you unless you give your permission. I sincerely hope that as time goes by, you will remember you love for me, and we will be able to resume our courtship. It was lovely, Tetsuya, so lovely!"

_I'm thinking he's got to be completely shell shocked, so I'm stunned when I hear Tetusya's voice again._

"Sousuke," _he queries softly_, "I was exposed to a drug…one that…"

"Do not worry about that," _Aizen assures him_, "You were given an antidote. I told you, watashi no koi, when you come to me, I want you to do so of your own free will. I want us to be together honorably."

"Hmmm," _Tetsuya huffs_, "You speaking of honorable love…"

_And there it is…the difference between the gentle captain that Tetsuya knew and loved, and the bastard Sousuke Aizen really is. It's dangerous, and I know Tetsuya has to be scared. But he's good at playing his part carefully and keeping himself out of trouble while we make our plans. He settles back against the pillows, ignoring the other man as he turns out the lights and climbs into the bed._

_I wonder why he doesn't worry Tetsuya will kill him in his sleep._

_I would._

_But as he relaxes and wraps his body around Tetsuya's, he employs a strong kido that will not allow Tetsuya to attack him. Tetsuya understands and rests quietly in the arms of the enemy. I don't feel the fear I expected in him, and it makes me appreciate even more, this man's courage._

_Tetsuya is really something special._

_And when I look back at Byakuya, I can see that I'm not the only one who thinks so._

"So, what are we going to do?" _I ask him_, "Are you thinking that the head captain will give you permission…?"

"I don't need his permission to rescue a family member," _he tells me_, "I will take care of this…after I take you to Kuchiki Manor and have you placed under guard."

"What?"

"I don't want the Gotei 13 annoying you or questioning you while I am gone."

"But I thought that…"

"Kisuke gave you proof the baby is mine?" _he asks_.

_I nod._

"Then, you can be placed under house protection as the one carrying my heir. No one can detain or question you without my consent and yours."

"But wait," _I object_, "You can't go alone! Aizen will expect you! You aren't going to be able to go in there and…"

"And what is the alternative?" _he asks_, "Should I leave Tetsuya in Aizen's hands?"

"No," _I say_, "But maybe you should make him think you have!"


	14. The Outpost

**Chapter 14: The Outpost**

"I cannot believe that I let you talk me into this," _Byakuya muses as we close in on the outpost near Las Noches,_ "It isn't just reckless because we have come so close to Las Noches alone. You are with child, and without your zanpakutou, and still healing."

"I'm gonna be fine,"_ I assure him, _"The baby's not due for quite a while and even though Zabimaru and I are still healing, I have you here to protect me."

_He gives me a look somewhere between amusement and exasperation and now that I have privileges with the guy, I let myself react to how sexy I think it is when he gives me these cute little shows of emotion. I grab him and kiss him hard on the mouth in a way I would have been scared shitless to try before. He freezes because he's startled and a little annoyed, but he's not going to hit the guy who's having his baby, so he's cornered. Oh my god, I love this man!_

"Abarai..."

"Just trust me, will you? This old listening post has been abandoned for so long that I think the sand it's on forgot it's there. It's probably a little messy, but once we clean it up, it will be perfect," _I tell him._

_He still looks unhappy and kinda unconvinced, but he sighs and follows. keeping his zanpakutou loose in its sheath._

"So,"_ he goes on, _"If this old outpost has been abandoned and forgotten, then how is it that you know about it, Abarai?"

_I should have figured he'd want to know the story. Byakuya doesn't miss things like that. I blush a little, but give him what he wants...and I'm kinda glad he isn't one to show a lot of emotion, otherwise he'd laugh his ass off._

"Well," _I begin, clearing my throat, _"You remember when you got pissed at me for the time my kido exploded in my face while we were fighting some hollows and your scarf got torn when you had to save my ass?"

_He arches an eyebrow._

_Fucking cute..._

"Which time?"

"What do you mean, 'which time?' The only time!" _I object, _"The other times your scarf didn't get..."

_I stop talking for a moment because I see he's smirking. Who knew Byakuya had such a wicked little sense of humor? He isn't like that with most people. But he is with me and it's becoming a form of foreplay for the two of us...because he gives me that smirk and I have to kiss him a few more times before I can go on. _

"Abarai," _he says, pushing me away gently, _"Are you going to get around to finishing your story, or are you simply going to leave us standing out here and let the hollows find us?"

"Right," _I laugh, _"Just a little farther. This way."

_I finish the story as we walk._

"So, anyway, you stationed me on recon with that group from the eleventh. And of course, Ikkaku and Yumichika had themselves in trouble with Captain Zaraki too. We were out supposedly gathering intel, while also putting away a good bit of sake and laughing our asses off at shit that is only funny if you're drunk."

"I would not know," _he says, sounding a little pissed that I'd misbehaved while being punished for misbehaving..._"I have never been drunk."

"Huh, well, you were on painkillers after you took that shot, saving Rukia, ne?"

"I was."

"And so, it felt kinda like that."

"Ah," _he says, frowning and still looking pissed at me, _"I see."

"Anyway, we were just walking..."

"You mean, staggering," _he injects dryly._

"Okay, staggering," _I go on, _"And all of a sudden, there was no fucking sand under my feet! The place was half buried, and I stepped on a weak spot the sand had covered and 'fell into' the place."

_I'm laughing now and have to stop for a second to compose myself. Byakuya is shaking his head and looking at me like I've lost my mind._

"And?" _he says patiently._

"And those stupid bastards, first, didn't realize for a while that I had disappeared and second, couldn't figure out where I'd gone. I passed out when I fell and a bunch of sand half covered me. It took me forever to dig myself out, but once I did, I realized that the place had potential."

"What?" _he asks, still frowning._

"Well, it's private, out of the way and not somewhere anyone would go looking for me."

_We reach the place and I show him the hidden entrance I made. He's starting to look a little impressed and he looks even more so when he gets inside and sees what I did with the place._

"Renji, this is..."

_He can't find a word for it, so he stops there and lets his eyes run over the relatively clean and comfortably furnished (though dusty) little hideaway. I know it's not probably still a dump to this guy who lives at fucking Kuchiki Manor and has doilies that are worth more than I ever will be, but..._

"Once we remove the six layers of dust, it will be perfect," _he says, stunning me instantly, as though he'd just told me I'm beautiful._

_Kami's grace...he likes the place!_

_He orders me outside and leaves the hidden opening uncovered. I start to ask what he's doing, then hear an odd swirling sound. A moment later, a bunch of petals erupt from the hideout, carrying with them, the gathered dust that was on everything. I get this odd vision of everything inside being cut, slashed, scored and annihilated, but touching one of the petal blades reveals that they are not edged. They are real flower petals. I grow a whole new level of appreciation for this man's control and for the fact that now we won't have to bust our asses, dusting the place. And sure enough, I go back inside and there's not a speck of dust left anywhere._

_Byakuya Kuchiki dusting?_

_I can't breathe._

_I start laughing and can't stop. He ignores me and unpacks the things we brought, and we settle into the place. _

_After a while, we sit down on the bed and try to connect again with Tetsuya. The view is different...not coming through his eyes, probably because he's asleep. It's outside his body, looking down at them from overhead. We see that he is still curled up in Sousuke Aizen's arms, and that Aizen is awake and gently kissing his fingertips and the top of his head. It scares me to see a frightening guy like that being affectionate with the sleeping, guard let down, vulnerable Tetsuya. But then...Aizen is in love with him. I have to wonder, though, how much safety that is. The guy is unpredictable._

"We should rest while they do," _Byakuya suggests, lying down._

_I start to lie down a little ways over from him...giving him some space. I mean, yeah, I'm having the guy's kid. But we really haven't had time to define exactly where we stand. He gives me my first clue, by catching me as I lie down and pulling me onto his chest. I stretch out along his side, letting my head fall onto a pillow of strong shoulder and soft, sakura scented hair, and I feel like I'm right back in heaven again. My eyes are closed, so I don't see him coming, but I feel the warmth of him as his head turns and his lips seek mine. His kisses are warm, firm and powerful, offered much more confidently than the few we exchanged in the hot tub before._

"Renji?"

"Hmmm?"

"Why did you do this?" _he asks._

_Huh?_

"Why did I do what?"

"Why did you go to the trouble you did here? You obviously spent some time shoring it up, strengthening the ceiling and walls, and bringing things out here to make it comfortable. But...it looked as though you hadn't been here in a long time. Why?"

"I don't know," _I answer, and I'm being honest._

_I really don't know._

"I started out with the idea of it being, you know...a quiet place to go to when I wanted to be alone. Then, I thought of who I might share it with...thinking it could be a little hideaway for me and _someone_. But I never settled on anyone."

_That was around the time I started to fall in love with him._

"But you went to all of this trouble, then...just abandoned it."

_I fell in love with a guy I could never have...or so I thought. And coming here and thinking of how much I would love to be alone with him in our little hideaway, making love until exhausted, then just holding each other..._

"I don't know," _I say again, _"I just...realized that the person I wanted to be alone and kinda 'stranded' with was unobtainable, off-limits...not a possibility."

He looks uncertain for a moment.

"And that person was...?"

_Oh my god. Does he really think it was anyone other than him?_

_That's not just silly, but fucking adorable!_

_I'm smiling so big I think my face is gonna crack._

"Who the hell do you think it was, Byakuya?" _I laugh, kissing him again, _"I was thinking of you."

"But Renji, that was..."

_He pauses, gazing at me with those pretty eyes, and I can see the pieces falling into place._

"You've been...desiring me for that long?"_ he asks._

"Oh...longer," _I confess, _"I think that...even when I hated you, I loved you, Byakuya."

_I think that I understand now why they say that confession is good for the soul. I finally said it. I told Byakuya freaking Kuchiki that I have been in love with him forever! And he's not enraged, or pulling out his bankai and thrashing me with it. He's not beating me down for my stupidity in thinking that I would ever have a chance with a guy like him. He's looking at me in wonder and amusement, and he's moving in to kiss me again._

_He turns so that he's lying partly on top of me, then while we kiss, we slowly undress each other and indulge in the stupid fantasy I had convinced myself could never be. _

_It's funny how it isn't stupid anymore, but real and moving and alive._

_He stops for a minute, looking at my strangely pale and naked, unmarked skin._

"Close your eyes," _he whispers._

_Damn, it's really sexy when he does that. I feel a little quiver inside that turns into a full blown hard on as his fingers move over my body, starting over my eyes, where the most obvious of my tattoos would have been, and working his way downward. The way he touches me is the equivalent of that sexy, breathy whisper he used to make me close my eyes. I want to peek, to see the long strands of black silken hair that are tickling my body, to glimpse the perfect nose and pretty parted lips that loose soft, warm breath onto my skin. It takes a minute, but I realize suddenly, and he stops when he feels my body tense._

"Ah-ah, Abarai, keep your eyes closed, or I will stop," _he warns me._

_Oh gods!_

_I am NOT going to peek, no matter how much I want to look at that wicked little smirk he must be wearing right now. It's a sacrifice too, because the only ones who usually see that expression are the ones he's about to kill with an attack they are soooo not expecting. So, I have to wonder. What is he doing? His fingers move along the flesh of my chest, and I know I have to be blushing all over. And it comes back to me that his movements are extremely precise...and familiar. They move over my body like they know exactly where every black line, point and curve should be._

_But..._

_He couldn't remember then from that time in the cave, although he did explore them then. He was hopped up on that drug. And when we were naked together at the hot springs with the other officers, he didn't appear to even notice me. Or so I thought. He's seen them other times when I was being healed or when the fucking A/C broke in the squad room in the middle of an August heat wave. But I didn't think he was looking that closely._

_So how...?_

"Byakuya?" _I say, and I can feel my voice shaking._

_Because I'm about to ask a pretty monumental question, here._

"Hmmm?"

"Erm...I can tell that you're, you know. touching where they should be. And I can understand how you'd know where the obvious ones were, but...how do you...know them like that."

"Like what?"

"Like _that_! So that it feels like you've run your eyes over them a million times. Like you've looked at them enough to memorize them."

"I...did memorize them," _he admits softly, as the hellaciously sexy touching continues and I get even harder._

"Oh?"

_My voice is choked, because he's really fucking getting to me, and his hands are moving over some really intimate areas I know I haven't shown off to anyone, not even at the hot springs...some you'd only see with me lying on my back, spread-legged and in full surrender. But he knows them too. And I am dying to know how._

"I am surprised that you need to ask me that," _he says, his fingers touching my huge, probably purple erection._

_Yeah...that's tattooed too._

_Fucking prick Zabimaru..._

"You, of all people, who has an intimate knowledge of my bankai."

"Huh?" _I pant, barely able to think._

"Senbonzakura Kageyoshi," _he breathes, tickling my skin_, "Think of the way it moves."

_In a swell of blades that extend from his hands in long, whiplike streams that grow and curl around his target...in large splashes...in a shroud around his body to defend him...or in a huge wall or sphere._

"Patterns..." _I whisper back, curiously._

"Yes, Renji, patterns. I memorize patterns and use them in battle. And when what I have in my arsenal does not work on an enemy, I create a new pattern that does work. And because I work with those patterns all of the time, I memorize patterns very swiftly. With yours, I did not memorize them all at once...but in glimpses, over time. And I only recently finished my learning of them...the night you fell asleep in my bed. At one point, you rolled onto your back and spread out."

_He was watching me while I slept?_

_My snoring was probably keeping him awake._

_That's what it was, right?_

"I apologize for taking advantage of the moment, but I...couldn't seem to turn my eyes away."

_Okay, I know I'm blushing everywhere now..._

"Don't worry about it. I told you I've loved you for a long time," _I tell him, _"I'm actually pretty damned flattered."

_I stop and think for a moment. Yeah, I know, it's rare. But I do it now and loose a really telling question._

"How long have you been...you know...interested in me?"

_It must be recent...like around the time that he admitted that he wanted to try kissing a guy._

"Honestly...Renji...?"

_I feel something tugging at my heart, and then it just explodes as my ears pick up something that they can not have heard._

"I fell in love with you that first day."

_What?_

_What first day?_

_The first day that I became his vice captain?_

_The first day we trained together?_

_The first time we..._

"The day that I came to the academy," _he says, shocking me so badly that I really can't move, _"It was something I felt as I walked by you. It is...something that is a secret of the noble clans, and it is only spoken of when it is proven to be mutual."

"Wh-what?"

_I don't have any idea what he's talking about. But that day...the day he first laid eyes on me...and he didn't even look directly? That day? The day I decided to pursue him...to surpass him? To defeat him and take Rukia back? That day? He fell in love with me at first sight?_

"It is a well known fact that souls may resonate with each other," _he explains, _"We see this most clearly with our zanpakutou. But any souls can have resonance. And some resonance is stronger than others. Rarely, two souls complement each other perfectly, and together they form a 'true resonance,' a connection that is so powerful that within the clan, it supercedes all other connections. It is recorded in our history that when a true resonance occurs, it does so for a reason. And while I do not know the reason why...you and I have a true resonance."

_I can't think of a thing to say..._

"Open your eyes."

_I open my eyes and I'm left speechless all over again. Because all over my body are the tattoos I lost when I was injured...every single one laid out precisely...perfectly where it was before._

_Except..._

_My belly button has been made the center of a black tattooed sakura blossom._

_There aren't many perfect moments in life, but this is one of them. I look up into those amazingly beautiful wide gray eyes and give him a smile I hope says everything my tied tongue can't right now. He seems to understand and he smiles too as he leans over me again and returns to kissing me._

_I know that the markings on my body aren't the real ones, and that I'll have to heal more before they come back. But...what he did was better than any healer could do to cure me. I feel the reiatsu swell inside me, and I start to feel a lot less weak. And, if that isn't enough, I feel a twinge inside and the presence of my still injured and healing zanpakutou._

"Zabimaru..." _I whisper._

_I feel tears on my face and I hope he doesn't notice. I know he says that we shouldn't shed tears. But even though he sees them on my face, he only smiles very tolerantly and touches one with a pristine fingertip._

"S-sorry," _I manage._

"Pregnancy," _we say together, still looking into each other's eyes._

_We know it's bullshit. But when you love someone and they show some emotion, you don't beat them up for it. And maybe it is the pregnancy, because I wouldn't have cried before. Not in front of him. But the walls have come crashing down and there's this new openness between us. I never knew love could be like this. But if what he's saying about our souls is true, then it has to be like he said._

_True resonance._

_What a beautiful thing...and it makes sense of everything we've been through to come together like we are._

_All of a sudden, we feel Tetsuya's mind wake, and we see him lifting his head off the pillow and looking at Aizen, who seems to have fallen asleep again. Tetsuya just sits there, still as a stone, gazing at him with probably that saddest expression I've ever seen. You can tell he really had it bad for the guy because if he hadn't, he would not be looking at Aizen with anything but rage or pure hatred. But Tetsuya doesn't seem to know how to hate anyone...not even Aizen._

_Then I get shocked with another truth._

"Tetsuya shares a true resonance with Sousuke Aizen," _Byakuya says quietly._

_Shit..._

"It suggests that there is something that is meant to take place between them. And so, while they are together, Tetsuya will likely search for what their resonance means. For such a resonance is not always a romance as we define it, but a fate. When he first sensed their resonance, Tetsuya proceeded carefully. He was not allowed to reveal it to Aizen until such time as the meaning of their resonance was revealed to both of them. And before that could happen, Aizen betrayed us and left for Las Noches. Tetsuya was, of course, devastated at learning of Aizen's betrayal, but what was even more shattering was still being locked into this fated connection with him."

"You think that's why he let himself be caught?"

"I think it is part of the reason. And now that they are together, he will seek the answers he could not before."

_I see the two of them in a very different light as Tetsuya's sapphire eyes remain fixed on Aizen's tranquil sleeping face, and he sits perfectly still...waiting._

"Do you think that Tetsuya will be the one to kill him?" _I ask, trying to imagine how Tetsuya would stomach a fate like that._

"I do not know."

_Fate can be a real bitch sometimes._

"But while we wait for their fate to play out, perhaps we can explore our own...in a bit more detail," _he suggests._

_I relax on the bed and spread out, and he lays down on top of me, letting that petal soft skin of his warm mine. His lips and mouth and tongue are all sweet and so inviting that I sink into them, never wanting to come out again. He moves on top of me, gently torturing my extremely aroused, leaking and sensitive cock with one that is equally wanting. We stay like that for awhile...just kissing and touching each other, our eyes half closed and our reiatsu flaring softly around us, our bodies rubbing hungrily against each other, and building up into something incredibly beautiful._

_I wonder if I should expect he'll take me or if I should make a move to prepare him. God knows, I want the guy inside of me...like now! I'm good with taking him, too, and honestly, if it was anyone but Byakuya Kuchiki, I wouldn't let myself be taken. But he's got a special place, not just in my heart, but my soul. _

_He reads the emotion and in the midst of our heated rubbing, he positions his damp erection at my entrance...taking me so slowly and passionately that I can feel tears leak onto my face again. It isn't just him being inside me down there...it's Byakuya being inside my heart and making love to me like the rest of the world doesn't matter...like everything has disappeared but the two of us._

_I'm thanking kami for the sandstorm that has whipped up outside, because I'm moaning so loudly as he fucks me that I probably would have attracted every damned hollow for miles. I see belatedly that he has enclosed the little outpost in a reiatsu chamber, so now I can moan and thrash and scream bloody murder all I want to, and no one will hear or come waltzing in and ruin the moment. So I give him everything. I let my pride fall away and leave my heart open wider than my legs. I look into his eyes so he can see how he has me completely at his mercy. _

_I'm a scary person sometimes, because I'm tall, dark-skinned, tattooed and I have a fucking big jagged sword and even bigger bankai. But I don't need to be intimidating here. And neither do I just lie there and let him do all of the work. My eyes are as fierce as if we were sparring, and the body that wraps around his, that envelops his thrusting cock is strong, despite my injuries. My skin is flushed and hot all over, and he is sweating just from being close to me. He's out of breath and hazy-eyed, thrusting hard and fast, his head bowing with the effort. I feel a heavy shudder shake his body, and he catches his breath raggedly, moaning in my ear and striking that place deep inside me that only he will ever touch again. _

_We careen into orgasm together, shaking the outpost with hard cries of pleasure while blazing hot seed explodes, filling me inside and painting our skin. leaving us a couple of heaving, panting wrecks tangled up on the bed._

_I don't say anything and neither does he. What the fuck could we say that speaks louder than what we just did?_

_'Amazing' doesn't begin to cover it. Neither does 'earthshaking' or 'wonderful,' 'fantastic,' or 'perfect.' It leaves them all behind and leaves us both speechless...looking into each other's eyes and holding on tightly._

_Because once you know that love like this exists, and that you've found it, you never want to let go...not ever._

_But I get a little shiver of warning as Tetsuya's sad words come back to me._

_"I will never love again," he said._

_It's too sad that we're thinking the same thing, but I'm crying tears of joy, while he is holding back tears of devastation. But his fate hasn't played out yet. And maybe there's even hope for that angel and the devil he can't help loving._

_I don't think that Tetsuya will kill Aizen._

_And I don't think he's going to reform the guy._

_But for some reason, I think their fate will take a turn that none of us are expecting._

_Yeah, I do believe in miracles, big and small._

_If I didn't, there's no way I'd be lying in Byakuya Kuchiki's arms right now._


End file.
